1. “It’s not really cheating because I don’t love you anymore. I just think of you as a really good friend.” 8 years together, engaged to be married.

2. It was with another girl, so not only should it not count, I should be all excited about it.

When your girlfriend cheats on you with a girl, it is no more an opening for a threesome than if she cheated with a dude. Cheating on your SO is not Step 1 in How to Wrangle a Threeway.

3. “We were never together.”

We were very much together.