13 Things Men Think About Women But Never Say

Between magazines, romantic comedies, and generally baseless cultural assumptions, women have long been guessing what men are really thinking. His feet are slanted towards you at a 15-degree angle? Then he’s in love. 30-degree angle? He wants nothing to do with you. Then there are the totally speculative “what he really wants” sex tips like this real “tip” from a “real” guy in Cosmopolitan: “‘We need you to get a little rough and grab on to it like you’re milking a cow. You may think you’re hurting him, but I guarantee if you ask, he’d request more,’ says Steven, 23.” Why is 23-year-old Steven trying to cause us men so much pain? And aren’t we all smart enough to know that 23-year-old Steven is probably a 30-year-old female staff writer who’s just throwing down some ideas to make deadline?

We men are complex creatures, and we’ll admit that we can be a bit of trouble sometimes, especially when it comes to communicating what we really want. Whether it’s fear of rejection, fear of compromising our masculinity, or fear of butting up against cultural norms, we often keep our true thoughts to ourselves. It’s a shame too because then we leave it up to Hollywood and magazines to tell women what we’re thinking. In order to solve all that, take a look at the biggest things men think about women but never say:

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Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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