11. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
“In college I lived near the edge of the city and there was this road nearby that winded through some forest before opening up to some farms. It was rarely used by cars and people avoided walking there because there were no sidewalks and it went nowhere. Halfway down the road was this abandoned property that had apple trees that produced a ton of fruit that always ended up on the ground.
One evening just after sunset, I passed the property on my way back from a run so I picked my way into the brambles to grab some apples. After I got a couple I circled back around some bushes to head home and right in the path was this middle-aged man creeping towards me with his hands spread like he was hunting something and I FUCKING LOST IT. I screamed and kinda flailed my arms so the apples flung towards him. He also jumped and went OH NO SORRY, SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A DEER and backed up into the road. He was super embarrassed and apologetic and I was way too happy to not be getting murdered to get mad, but holy crap, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”