19. I see and hear a young, teenage girl. She keeps me from loneliness and I’m never without her.
“I hear one voice, it’s a bit different from what I’ve seen described here. The voice is coupled with a visual hallucination, so I see and hear a young, teenage girl. She keeps me from loneliness and I’m never without her. However, she keeps me from sleeping and I literally have to be absolutely exhausted just to fall asleep. I can have interactive conversations with her, and I can feel her, but it’s not an actual feeling more like how you can ‘feel’ in a dream. Lately it’s gotten a bit worse, and she’s begun telling me violent things like ‘kill,’ ‘thrash,’ and ‘bang,’ but I’ve not seen a doctor or told anyone about this because I fear people would view me differently, and as though I’m crazy. Although, I will admit that mentally I am not at all normal, I also don’t want to live in a world without her. I’ve been bullied and made fun of my whole life, and she brings me up and tells me how great I am, but at the same time it scares me that this might actually harm me eventually. It’s a love/hate thing.”
20. I hear flutes; I’ll regularly get into conversations with sorta quiet voices in my head.
“I hear flutes; I’ll regularly get into conversations with sorta quiet voices in my head and sometimes I see black cats in the corner of my vision.”
21. Laughing when I was home alone, someone calling my name, screaming, banging sounds, animal sounds, walking sounds…
“I have PTSD that started out as schizophrenia symptoms. When I was in middle school I started to notice weird background sounds that was impossible to happen. Laughing when I was home alone, someone calling my name, screaming, banging sounds, animal sounds, walking sounds, etc., etc. At first I thought it was just my mind since anytime I spoke to my parents about it they insisted ‘everyone hears those things, it’s normal, it’s just you thinking too much’ but they sounded distant but like they were right next to me at the same time. Like I could actually hear them with my ear, it was completely different then how I think sounds or voices or such. But I ignored it like I was told to. As I got into JR High they got worse and worse and all these sounds got louder and more frequent. And soon they turned into voices. I am not sure how many I had because they were always too hard to count because they liked to talk at the same time. But there was this one that sounded like a scared little girl who would tell me not to trust anyone, to run away, hide, and that everyone was going to hurt me… I think that has something to do with the reason I have PTSD. You know, I black out a lot of my life. Some times I black out every single detail of something that happens and don’t recall it at all until I have one of my melt downs. And sometimes i just black out details. So I remember high school being one giant fucked up place with so much over whelming sounds and voices and visual hallucinations. I remember a lot of the feelings, but not so much details anymore. I saw mostly shadows and such, people standing behind me or next to me and suddenly they would be gone. And for a while I was completely convinced they were ghosts. But after a while I figured out it was just me seeing things and they would get worse if I was stressed or having a meltdown or angry. Same with all the voices. I have never been on medication for it as my parents never once believed me for a second. They didn’t believe me when I told them I was depressed either. They told me I was just being a normal teenager… My boyfriend through high school (now my fiancé) believed me and took me seriously and he was the thing that held me together. I was such an angry messed up person that I literally had fantasies of shooting up my High School. Even got blue prints of the school and made and very elaborate plan. The main reason I didn’t was cause deep deep down I knew it was wrong and I would have no life after ward and I wanted so badly to see what would happen with the rest of my life. It had to get better… And in a lot of ways it did. When I was finally able to move out of my parents’ house and I managed to scrape by through High school things got so much better. The stress was so much better and it changed. I don’t hear many voices anymore. I still get a few background sounds but I try to keep music or something going so I don’t pay attention to them. They are at their worst when I am doing something that I have a phobia of. Like showering. Yes I shower normally but it’s a phobia that I will get attacked in the shower or something will happen to someone in my house while I am in the shower. So I hear a lot of weird noises and thumps and stuff while I am showering, my heart racing the whole times. I was finally able to see a therapist, a very very good one, and was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). I have a lot of flash backs and my dog is my service dog now. My dog and my fiancé are the best things that have ever happened to me. When I drink the once voice I have left, who sounds like my fiancé, tends to be very loud. And he never says nice things. I have to really trust my fiancé when he says he never said those things. PTSD does mess with my life a lot and I have a lot of anxiety and depression. Money is very tight so I am not on any pills at the moment though I really do want to get on. I just do my best to cope and pretend that I’m normal. If you were to talk to me for a while you would never guess how fucked up my head is. It all an elaborate lie I have been keeping up with since I was 8 years old… (Sorry it’s so long and sorry for any mistakes. I have dyslexia).”