29. He usually urges me to do violent things.
“Not sure exactly what I have, but basically it’s kind of like hearing voices, except instead of hearing the voices as if it’s another person, I have two different trains of thought going all the time. One of them is a perfectly normal docile person, which thankfully seems to be the dominant one, and the other is a more instinctive vengeful me. I’ve named him Mortimer. He usually urges me to do violent things, sometimes I can tell why, like a person is annoying me, but other times I just start craving violence for no reason at all. But the thing is I have two thought processes in my head, so when they communicate it’s like two telepathic people sharing thoughts 24/7.”
30. I’ve heard whispers calling my name that turn to yelling directly in my ear.
“I’ve actually tried to do an AMA a couple times but, they’ve all been taken down. I have residual schizophrenia. It’s mostly in remission so, perhaps I could help. I’ve really never had very many hallucinations (to my knowledge anyway). I’ve heard whispers calling my name that turn to yelling directly in my ear. It sounds just like any other external voice. I’ve heard conversations while alone coming from my empty house. Usually under times of stress. I’ve never had threatening or violent ones. Mine were mostly while I was growing up so, I suppose I just didn’t know any difference. I’d love to answer any questions that you all may have :)”
31. I can ‘hear’ other people’s thoughts judging me, fear there are plots to discredit or ruin me.
“On a good day. It’s kind of like walking around a crowded party. You can hear people talking, but it’s so much audible clutter that it becomes noise. If I’m busy or thinking really hard about a problem I’m solving (i.e.: at work or a project) it fades into the background but I’m still aware of it.
If my mind isn’t constantly occupied with something (i.e.: boredom) the opposite happens. The noise increases and sometimes the voices/thoughts become tangible. Usually preying on negative feelings or memories.
On a bad day, things are much, much worse. Bad days can occur after severe lack of sleep, emotional trauma or tremendous stress. Voices become clear and fall into several categories:
1.) Fearless. You can do anything. Fuck boundaries you can rock this shit. These aren’t too bad, but encourage reckless and dangerous behavior (drinking, drug use, impulsive actions)
2.) Paranoid and Delusional. I can ‘hear’ other people’s thoughts judging me, fear there are plots to discredit or ruin me. I see everyone as an enemy to be avoided/overcome.
3.) Failure. Voices focus heavily on personal failures. Instead of using them as a learning experience the voices berate me with reminders of how worthless I was (these have improved with therapy)
4.) Violence. I have never once allowed these to influence me other than punching a wall here or there when I was younger.
I am medicated now, and with a combination of medication, lifestyle changes, therapy and exercise I have managed to greatly improve my mental health. Sometimes there are struggles, but my day to day life is relatively normal.”