25. She pulls out her ginormous breasts and lures him into a full-on motor-boating session in the middle of the street.
“Was outside for a smoke downtown one night. We have a place called ‘House of Pong’’ where you can drink and play ping pong. Well…a rather large black woman and her man go walking by, he stops to look at the sign. The woman turns around and says ‘You want to play ping pong? how about these ping pongs!’; proceeds to pull out her ginormous breasts and lures him over into a full-on motor-boating session in the middle of the street.
made my night.”
26. ‘Don’t sell coke to my grandma, goddamnit!’
“It’s late at my local townie dive bar’s karaoke night when the bar’s owner and namesake shows up, she’s a tiny 75-year-old woman in a pink cardigan with a great big loud voice, with her two early-20s granddaughters in tow, heavily drunk and dressed for the club. Up she rolls to a quiet guy who’s been hanging by the entrance smoking a cigarette, they exchange some words and walk around to the alleyway beside the bar. One of the granddaughters hikes up the skirt of her dress, squats down on her heels and proceeds to piss all over the sidewalk while the other granddaughter runs around the corner screaming, ‘Don’t sell coke to my grandma goddamnit!’ From down the alley echoes grandma’s voice, ‘Shut the fuck up, bitch, it’s my birthday and I’ll do what I want!’
When I had enough of this scene and went inside, the bartender was trashed off her ass and pouring everyone free doubles.”