5. I saw an old bearded man drop a cigarette in a puddle of vomit, then pick it back up and continue smoking it.
“I’m from a town in the UK that is notorious for being an absolute trash fest, so I have quite a few stories to tell. I remember one time, though, I saw an old bearded man drop a cigarette in a puddle of vomit, then pick it back up and continue smoking it.”
6. A crackhead couple fucking on a bench at one in the afternoon on a very busy pathway.
“A crackhead couple fucking on a bench at one in the afternoon on a very busy pathway. Kids and families everywhere.”
7. Pregnant mom had been smoking crack all night, and when the baby fell out of her, it was blue.
“I’m a paramedic, and we get called for an active maternity call. As we pull up, there’s four cops outside absolutely losing their shit, which is normally a sign that there’s something unholy going on inside, because normally visions of press releases, medals, and sugar plums dance in cops’ heads at maternity calls. We go inside to find a fifth cop, a female, starring in mute horror. The mother is standing there was the baby on the ground, not breathing, umbilical cord still attached. Crack pipe in hand, still smoking.
As we walk up, the placenta falls out, which for anyone who knows, is a sign that this isn’t her first, second, or third rodeo. We found out later that this was kid number seven with Daddy number five. My team goes to work on the baby, the other crew goes to work on mom. Turns out mom had been smoking crack all night, and when the baby fell out of her, thought nothing of the fact the it was blue. Then this conversation happened.
‘Isn’t my baby beautiful? He’s that color because his father is black.’ My partner, who’s a legendary smartass, responded with ‘Honey, unless his father is a Smurf, he’s not supposed to be that color.’
So we work the kid up, get the kid ventilated, get IV access, and the kid rapidly improves. We get the kid out to my bus, and get him packaged. My partner goes back in the get the placenta….and then has to fight the women’s giant pet rabbit for it.
The kid did fine and was placed into foster care.”