29. They were doing it right on top of one of those shitty crushed-rock parking lots.
“Went to a wedding in a very rural part of PA. Great wedding at a golf course but the reception ended at 10. So we went to one of the local bars that we were at the previous night. To frame the story, I am in a car with 3 other friends of mine. The four of us are all wearing the typical post wedding attire. Dress pants and dress shirts but with the sleeves rolled up, no ties, and untucked shirt. Kinda how you get towards the end of a wedding reception. The bar itself was definitely a small country town bar.
So we pull up to a bar called ‘The Bear Moose Inn’ that sat on the side of a country road. As we pull in my headlights beam directly on a lovely young couple. Fucking. This girl was bottomless with only one of her legs inside of her jeans bouncing on top of the guy. They were doing it right on top of one of those shitty crushed-rock parking lots. No attempt to get privacy or, you know, at least not be directly in line with where people pull into the parking lot.
We then all walked inside waiting for our other friends to show up. I immediately realized that we did not fit in given our attire. It’s the first time in my life were the types of people to fuck openly in a bar parking lot fit in more at a place than I did.”
30. Saw two girls, apocalyptically drunk, laying naked in the collapsed ruin of their tent, alternately throwing up and pleasuring each other in the vomit.
“Music festivals, man.
Saw an old lady in neon pink leopard-print spandex sitting on a younger guy’s shoulders, doing lines of coke off of his bald head.
Saw two girls, apocalyptically drunk, laying naked in the collapsed ruin of their tent, alternately throwing up and pleasuring each other in the throw up.
On multiple occasions, I’ve seen people purchase a six-foot bong, use a six-foot bong, bring the six-foot bong into the crowd, and weep over the shards of a shattered six-foot bong.
Streaker, riding a disturbingly fast motorized and taxidermied deer, screaming and pinging spent nitrous canisters at security.
After a guy’s big bag of shrooms burst and exploded all over the ground, a frenzied mob of around twenty-five people truffle-hunted and devoured the fallen fungi in under a minute (I may have been one of these people).”