23 Wedding Planners Share The Absolute Shitshow Weddings That Told Them It Wasn’t Going To Last

Felix Russel-Saw

1. Babydady Drama

Event Manager with a caterer. Pregnant maid of honor told the bride’s sister that she’s been fucking the groom and the baby is his. She was dead sober, which is what made it so odd that it came out like that. Needless to say we got to go home early that night.

youngmanhood

2. Regret Not helping her sneak out the window

I have seen brides fight their grooms at the reception, I’ve seen a bride bash a family member over the head with a bottle of champagne, I’ve seen small children whip burning tea lights at guests from a floor above, I’ve seen a guest try to fake a slip & fall to sue the venue. Probably the most “WTF?” was a very obviously arranged marriage. Most of the planning was done by the parents because they were local and the kids were “traveling overseas”. Red flag. Day of, we meet the happy couple to be. I’m really bad at judging ages, but she seemed at least old enough to consent. And, I should add, she was gorgeous. Could have been a model. The groom, however, almost a foot shorter than she, very lanky, looked like he was squarely in the middle of an adolescent awkward phase. My staff and I had difficulty not giving any outward signs that we were very uncomfortable. The body language was perplexing and then just sad during photos. Culturally, its not uncommon for PDA to be kept to a minimum, but the way she leaned away from him and could barely look at him …She was so obviously miserable. To this day I regret not offering to help her escape through a bathroom window. I told myself it was not my place to interfere and that I should just shut up and do my job. I will never take another client without a face to face with the bride first. I hope they’re not still together.

Also, unfortunately, it’s really common for brides to crash diet before the wedding. It’s stupid and I try my best to make sure my brides don’t, but unless you’re following them around 24/7, sometimes logic just doesn’t sink in.

I had a bride go full anorexic. I don’t know how long, maybe a few weeks? months? We set up the bridal suite with a fruit & cheese tray, some crackers, champagne, juices, sodas. The girls are all getting ready and the food is leaving the plates, it took me a bit to notice that the bride wasn’t touching anything. She looked pale. She seemed off. Maybe it was just nerves? She complained of being woozy. Probably just jitters, right? No. She was so weak by the time the ceremony started that her dad had to practically drag her down the aisle and her groom had to help keep her steady at the altar. Once they sped through vows and kissed, she was run back to the suite to lie down and I had the chef make her some soup. Broth is better if you’ve gone a while without solids. They took no portraits, which was fine because she looked like hell. The only time she came out of the suite during the entire reception was when her dad (who was super pissed) yelled at her to get the hell up and dance with him. He wanted his father/daughter dance and he’d paid through the nose for this wedding, so she’d have to suck it up. They didn’t even cut the cake. The groom sat by himself most of the reception, it was so sad. He wanted to sit with the bride, but she insisted at least one of them go be with the guests, but no one knew what was going on so they didn’t want to approach him. We had spread the word that she was “sick” but people were still jumping to their own conclusions and it was just awkward all around.

Moral of the story, ladies, your groom loves you just they way you are. You don’t have to change anything about yourself to be a beautiful bride. You are most beautiful when you are good to yourself.

CardsForSorrow

3. Preggers with late groom

Oh man. The poor bride was 6 months pregnant at the time of the wedding, puking regularly. The groom was 3 hours late to the ceremony. By hour 2, he hadn’t even picked up his tux. The venue almost cancelled the reception because the groom’s number was the only contact they had and nobody knew what was going on. He finally showed up and everything went as planned, albeit 3 hours later.

bebemochi

4. Both Moms Came To The Wedding Planning Session

I had a wedding couple come to see me by appointment to plan the music for their church wedding ceremony. They each brought their respective mothers to the planning session.

Right out of the gate, they started arguing over choices for the Processional. The groom-to-be wanted something to show off the full organ whereas the bride-to-be wanted something smaller scaled and gentle. There was no middle ground, no matter what organ pieces I showed them.

Then, of course, their mothers took sides and further intensified their bickering, even though I asked them politely to let the couple choose their own selections.

In the end, it really wasn’t about the choice of music. It was about a fundamental crack in the foundation of their soon-to-be marriage: an unwillingness to compromise or to even hear what the other was attempting to convey.

Sadly, their marriage ended in divorce in less than 2 years. How they made it that long I’ll never know.

Back2Bach

5. “Tonight, we will do it MY WAY, wifey!!!”

Years ago I was a waitress at a fancy restaurant where we regularly had weddings.

One night we had this massive wedding party. His side were one of those families with loads of money but not an ounce of class. Just rowdy, loud and incredibly rude, making sure to let everyone know how rich they were. She was a quiet, shy girl with a small family full of boring mousy types. As the night progressed his family just got drunker and louder as hers hid in the corners, visibly annoyed.

At one stage the groom grabbed the microphone and did a heavily intoxicated version of Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’ whilst his whole family cheered him on. Afterward, he turned to his bride and slurred over the speakers: ‘Tonight, we will do it MY WAY, wifey!!!’ and then proceeded to make doggy style thrusting gestures.

The bride flushed bright red, got up and walked out, her mum on her heels. She didn’t come back. The groom stayed and got so trashed his disgusting family had to carry him out at the end of the night.

It was spectacular. They didn’t last long.

caresawholeawfullot

6. “Sister-in-law talks shit”

My Sister-in-law. She announced in front of everyone how her wedding was blessed by God and mine wasn’t because she was married in the Catholic Church and I had a civil ceremony. Seven years later and I’m the only one still married.

princessfafa

7. Groom Finds Out Bride Is Cheating, Destroys Everything

“I worked the most amazing wedding ever! The marriage didn’t last 6 hours! I was bartending for the reception. Everything seemed pretty typical and standard as guests arrived, drank, and conversed. The wedding party arrived and everything seemed to be completely normal. Everyone was happy, having fun, etc.

When it came time for the formalities, the bar closed and everyone took their seats. The speeches began, with the maid of honor, and best man. Everything was going as per usual for a wedding—until the best man finished his speech and the food began to be served.

The groom grabbed the mic after the best man’s toast and wished everyone a great night and a nice meal.

That’s when shit hit the fan.

After his well wishes, he asked for the attention of his best man and bride. He told them that he knew they were having sex behind his back for the entirety of the engagement and that he would be filing for an annulment on Monday. He thanked everyone for coming, and apologized to the father of the bride saying “I would have called it off weeks ago, but I figured you would be way more pissed at your little princess when you couldn’t get out of the bill for the reception.”

He turned to his wife and said “F*** Y**”, then turned to his best friend and said, “From what I overheard–my dick is still bigger than yours”

Mic dropped—groom out the door—absolute chaos. Me and my fellow bartender looked on in amazement. We had to go into the kitchen to laugh and high-five.

Here’s what happened after.

Fallout….

Bride ran directly to the bathroom both furious and inconsolable, with bridesmaids running after. Mother, aunts, and about 20 other women tried breaking into the bathroom which she apparently locked herself in. She refused to come out until everyone left the facility. She left through a back door with her mother and a few of the bridesmaids after an hour and a half.

The best man was surrounded by the groomsman in what seemed to be a circular questioning of WTF? He made a run for the door, only to be followed by his parents who had the most saddening look of disgust on their faces. He made it out the door. The groomsman and the majority of the crowd wanted him gone–for obvious reasons. He got in a cab with his family. Apparently, his mother was crying from the moment he was outed until they left the facility. He was gone with his family in a matter of minutes. A lot of people were focused on the bride, and the majority of people were still in disbelief. Outside of the embarrassment and the obvious anger from his immediate family–he got off easily.(Though I have no idea what the residual effects were the days following)–I imagine he lost quite a few friends and the respect of his family.

The Brides father went from complete disbelief–anger–rage–tears, all in a matter of minutes. Nobody would say a word to him. Friends tried to approach and he pushed everyone away. He kept his composure better than most would from what I saw and heard. Just kind of faded to the back and tried to apologize as people gathered their things and left. Weeks later I found out that my boss did give him a big break on the bill. My boss said he felt so terrible, and as much as he hated to lose money—he felt it was the right thing to do.

The crowd was like a group of zombies walking out the door. Quiet whispers and shuffling feet–with looks of horror on their faces. I remember one guy started laughing, and his SO hit him with a purse. That place was cleared out in about 15mins. Bride still waited another hour before she thought she could leave and spare further embarrassment.”

suroptpsyologist

8. For Richer Or Richer

Minister friend did a wedding once where in the vows the woman wouldn’t say “for richer or poorer.” Just kept saying “for richer or richer.” And she wasn’t joking. They didn’t last long.

Isa624

9. Bride And Groom As Far Apart As Possible

I catered weddings for several years, and the subtle sign I always paid attention to was how closely the bride and groom sat next to each other during the speeches, dinner, etc.

The happy couples were always right on top of each other, sharing food, laughing, and just generally chatting. They were in their own world, while the rest of the wedding went on around them.

Other times, the two would be practically on the other side of the table from one another. The groom would spend the whole meal turned away chatting with his groomsmen, while the bride looked the other way staring into space.

Families can be assholes, people get drunk, and nightmares happen, especially as the night progresses, but if you don’t care enough to appreciate the presence of your spouse the very first time you sit down next to them, you have no chance once the real world takes over.

ratbat2000

10. Shotgun Wedding

I worked as a receptionist for a conservatory and garden. We were an extremely popular wedding venue 7 days a week year-round. But this is the one that stuck out.

A couple of families came in on a Sunday afternoon during business hours. They were dressed very nicely, but again, was a Sunday, so not all that unusual. There appeared to be an older teen girl, a boy around the same age, their respective parents, and a smattering of grandparents. Looking back on it, with the exception of a couple of the grandmas, everyone looked either ill or angry. Everyone but one of the fathers paid their admission and went inside. The father made it known to me he was still waiting for someone. No big deal. Well about 10-15 minutes later, in came a priest! Black robes, white collar, the works. It then occurs to me that all these people must be here to scope it out as a wedding venue. I took the admission, then went to get our on-site wedding coordinator, in case the family wanted to see her. I find her, and we start heading towards where I last saw the group. We were floored to see them by our water feature very obviously conducting a wedding! Very obviously a shotgun wedding that the kids had no control over. Was startling and funny and sad all at once. With the amount of strong-arming they got, I doubt they lasted.

Le_PandaReux

11. Bride Declines to make it official

Am wedding planner as well as officiant. I forgot to ask for and sign this couple’s marriage license (I sign and send to the county for recording). So I texted the bride and she said oh, no need, we haven’t gotten our license yet and we’ll do it legally a different day. Okkkkkkkk…..

A few months later she’s with husband/not husband’s BFF. And now they’re engaged.

I wonder if she’ll be a repeat customer of mine?

tinysmommy

12. Meltdown Bridezilla

Had a wedding I coordinated where the bride literally went from this sweet, kind and very fun person, to a meltdown-laden bridezilla. It was bad. I knew it wasn’t going last the moment she arrived at the venue. She tore up the guest list, and was furious at the groom because his family, most of them either elderly and disabled, weren’t at the ceremony yet (they were 5 minutes late, and parking was awful). So she decided to start the ceremony even though they weren’t there yet. The groom had zero say as he was a really quiet guy. During the bridal procession down the aisle, people kept arriving and having to walk down the aisle to get to their seats. She insulted each member of his family as they would enter the venue.

Then, during the actual vows, the groom was so terrified, he literally couldn’t look at her. Instead, he did his vows while looking at the minister. She grabbed his face mid-vows, pointed his face to hers, then said “Do them over…NOW!”. Probably the most cringe-worthy moment I’ve ever seen in my entire career. The guests tried to laugh it off, but we all felt bad for him.

The icing on the cake was during the toast. She decided to talk about his mom…then passive-aggressively insult her… then completely insult the crowd… then her new husband (yes, she was sober). After the dinner, about 75% of the guests just up and left.

There was so much more than happened (and if there is enough interest, I’ll share more), but it was a total shit show. I knew this one wouldn’t last. And it didn’t. They divorced a few weeks later. How do I know? She stiffed me on payment and kept blaming her now-ex-husband for not having any money and everything that went wrong in their marriage.

Update: Ok! Adding more to this: One of the things that always fascinates me is what people decide to do for their “cake”. Sometimes they do cupcakes. Others I’ve seen the bride and groom do a full candy bar. Well, this cake was massive. The guest count was roughly 100 but this cake could’ve easily served close to 300. Very elaborate and shipped in from New York from some high end bakery. There was Chinese lettering/design on the cake (The wedding theme included mariachis, Mexican food, etc) so the cake felt very out of place from a design perspective and it was apparent the groom had no idea what cake they were getting. But hey- it’s their day so I’m not one to rip apart the theme.

When it was time for the cake cutting, she grabbed the mic out of my hands, which she did numerous times throughout the evening, and told everyone to shut up. She started talking about how high-end the cake was and how people at this wedding should be happy to eat it.

Crowd goes from silent to upset…again.

Then she points out three of the symbols on the cake, which were the largest. I’ll never forget this because what followed was a silence I can only describe as “pin-drop-worthy”. She said that they meant “Obey, Listen and (I think) Service/Loyalty”. She said that she expected these three traits from her husband at all times. And not in a joking way.

Room was silent the whole time the cake was being served.

I’ll post more when I get off work. Also posted some responses in the comments regarding my memory of this event and how I will never forget it.

Last update: This was during the toast and then I would like to give some clarity about the event as a whole.

When the toast started, traditionally the best man kicks it off, then the maid of honor, then anything goes. We had planned it in traditional order before the wedding, but the bride took my mic as I was introducing the BM and told the crowd to: “Look up. Look to the left and right. Look at the tables.” At this point, we all thought it was going to be an Oprah moment and they would give the guests their favors, but instead she said that everyone should be both honored and appreciative that they were invited to the wedding, because she paid ( not true) top dollar to have it at such a beautiful venue. The looks on the people’s faces was truly uncomfortable. Some were confused as to whether she had actually said what she said, and others were absolutely pissed. At that point, I knew this wedding was going to be off the rails.

Now for some insight: I’ve been reading the comments, and I agree: Stress can completely change people. After being involved in the wedding industry for nearly 10 years- I can completely see why people become unhinged on their big day. It’s often two-fold:

  • The bride and groom try to do everything themselves, one of them loses interest or leaves everything to one of them. Then, said person doesn’t enjoy the day at all, micromanages and has a near psychotic breakdown.
  • The bride and groom don’t take into account that THEY will be busy during the wedding and run it with the mentality that they can address everything encompassing the event (making sure dinner is on time, getting silverware for aunt sally, managing the timeline, crowd control, etc).

Event management is hard. There is a lot that goes into it and a whole back-end that nobody ever sees. Plus you are trying to manage (crowd size) personalities and expectations, complaints, last-minute changes, vendors… now take all that, and put those responsibilities on a bride and groom during their wedding day. Some can pull it off, but most do so at the expense of their sanity and enjoyment of the day.

Not saying that this was the case with this wedding, but I can empathize with why some people get branded a bridezilla or groomzilla.

Thanks all for listening to my wedding adventures. Perhaps I’ll share more in the future. (Have some really good ones that aren’t as destructive as this one, haha!).

MexicanAlemundo

13. Groom throws tantrum over rain

I wasn’t a wedding planner but I worked with them in the past, and I had to be in close proximity to many brides and grooms before, during, and after the wedding.

This is a small example, but one time a couple was getting married at a resort. It was 1-2 days before the wedding, and the forecast was saying rain and lightning storms. They had an outdoor garden wedding planned, which will obviously not work out in a lightning storm. So, as most venues do, if it’s an outdoor wedding, there’s a backup plan in case it rains. The bride was totally cool with it. The groom, on the other hand, was acting like a total fartnugget. “I don’t want to get married inside!” Well, guess what, you’re getting married tomorrow. We’re not refunding you at this point nor are we going to ask the rain to stop raining.

Most of the time when a bride was a bitch, the groom was an asshole as well; so they were like a match made in heaven. This, though, was an example of a bride who was super nice and receptive to things, while her grown husband is sitting there throwing a tantrum about rain. I bet they divorced already

spaghatta111

14. Everyone Was Drunk By The Time The Ceremony Started

I am a wedding planner! (Amateur, but getting there). As a favor to the president of the company I work at for my 8-5 job, I agreed to coordinate his wedding. This was his third wedding, and the brides first.

He’s a decent enough guy; wealthy but stingy, scatter brained, stubborn, but has a lot of really good friends that said a lot of really great things about him at the wedding.

She’s ditsy, gorgeous, younger than him by about 20 years.

They had been engaged for a while (over a year, I think) but waited until about 6 weeks before their wedding date to start really planning anything.

The guest list was over 300 people. The venue was an amazing barn in the middle of nowhere, minimal electrical power, no running water in the barn. There are multiple homes on the property that can be rented out. They rented the entire property for a week, and it was covered in campers, trailers, etc.

The whole thing was a shitshow from planning through the reception. The live band didn’t have enough power and we ended up powering them from one of the RV’s generators (lesson learned here: let the venue talk to the band, don’t get in the middle) There was no seating chart, and there were about 6 different caterers running food stations around the barn.

Somehow a rumor got started that the wedding was at 5pm, it was actually at 4pm. So critical guests were arriving very late to the ceremony.

On this crazy large property, their ceremony site was up a steep hill, so a shuttle van had been rented and was driving guests up the hill, 15 at a time.

By the time the ceremony was ready to start, the bride was drunk, the brides dad was drunk, and the groom was drunk.

There was a champagne station at the ceremony site, which was completely drained before the last of the guests were arriving at the top of the hill. The guests were pissed.

The rest of the night….went how it went. Water was poured from gallon jugs with spigots. The bar ran out of most of the booze with a couple of hours to go. There was no propane in the heaters for the patio (this was in late fall; it was cold).

I left at around 11pm (having arrived that day around 8am).

I know the bride and groom had a stay-cation honey moon planned, so I didn’t expect to see my boss at work for a few weeks (he’s often traveling for work anyways). What I heard later from a coworker who helped at the wedding was that the marriage didn’t even last the night.

The groom was found (by the father of the bride) in the middle of fucking one of the bridesmaids, that night, in the honeymoon/party house. The kicker is: more than half the bridesmaids were the brides sisters, so the odds are pretty good that he slept with one of them.

Upon hearing all this, I kept my damn mouth shut. I haven’t told a single person (save my husband, who was my assistant at the wedding). I had tried friending the bride on Facebook because I reeeeeally wanted to see the pictures (the photographer was incredible), but she hasn’t accepted yet. I have not seen her at work since the wedding (she used to visit frequently), and my boss hasn’t ever worn a wedding ring.

HautHauswife

15. Bride And Groom Missing But Dads keep the party going

Caterer here. Best one was where 2 hours into the reception and the groom and bride are missing. Groom is passed out in a bush on the golf course. Bride is in the coat closet with the best man. The FIL (on the bridal side) sent his daughter home with mother. The groom was cleaned up quickly (puke and shit) and sent home with his mother. The best man was evicted. The dads agreed that the party should carry on and everyone had a great time. I even got pulled into the dance floor with the FIL and another time during the train carrying a tray of drinks. Big tips that night and the couple annulled it.

ichibon

16. She Had ONE request

Bride warned groom several dozen times — in my presence — if he smashed the cake in her face they would have issues. Using phrases like “I am not kidding” or “I am completely serious.”

Groom was a good ‘ol boy type. His friends found out about his bride’s one stipulation about the wedding. She was flexible on a lot of other things, but no fucking cake-smashing. They started making whip-cracking sounds, teasing him that he was “whipped” and needed to Put His Foot Down And Show Her Who’s Boss.

Yeah, he smashed the cake in her face.

She had it annulled.

dramboxf

17. Warning Signs Flashing in Neon

I managed the bars at a sports venue and was the “bar consultant” for our catering department. As you would expect, most of the time we worked during sporting events. Occasionally there’d be a concert. So when the stadium marketing team told us in our weekly meeting that they’d just booked a wedding, we were shocked. We’d never hosted a wedding before, and most of us were unmarried so we didn’t have that much experience with the industry. The marketing team brushed our concerns aside (warning sign #1) and gave us the details for event.

After asking around the office staff, we learn that this is being done as a half favor, half side deal for one of the big corporate sponsors of the team. One of their VP’s son’s is getting married and is a huge fan so he insisted on getting married at the venue (warning sign #2). We have our first meeting with the family and it’s an eye-opening experience. Husband to be is clearly disinterested in the planning, wifey is less than excited about his chosen venue, and MIL (husband’s mom) is a USDA First Class BITCH.

MIL starts the meeting off by giving us her list of demands for the wedding. She has picked almost everything out from the food to the decor to the place settings. The only thing the bride had input on was the flowers. Myself and the rest of the catering staff are looking over her list and quickly realize that this is going to be pricey. We ask MIL what the budget is for the entire event and she says $10,000. We ask how many people are going to be attending, she tells us there will be 200 guests. This is the exact moment when we realize there is clearly a disconnect between MIL and reality. The Catering Director hesitantly tries to tell MIL that the things she wants and her budget aren’t exactly congruous. We get a haughty, “well other vendors have said they could make it work!” This should have been huge warning sign with neon lights #3.

What follows is months of bitchy threats, complaints, and criticism from MIL about everything from our prices (exorbitant), to our policies (ridiculous), to our staff (inexperienced and inept).

Our first step was to give her exactly what she wanted, along with what that would cost. The first proposal included everything she wanted, at a price of about $30,000. Cue the first round of angry emails and phone calls. During this phase she threatened to cancel the event twice (fine with us, we didn’t want or need this event), and went back to the marketing department to complain about how unreasonable we were being.

During the 2nd phase, she had begun climbing down off her previous demands to wheedling and trying to bypass us to bring costs down. First, she didn’t want us to provide any liquor or beer, she’d bring it in (through the corporate sponsors, a beer company). I tell her flat out, no that’s not going to happen. The liquor license is in our name, we are the ONLY providers of alcohol on this property. She can either use us or have no booze at the wedding. She then proceeds to ratchet up her complaining all the way to her husband who talks to his buddies in the front office about “the alcohol problem.” Now we’ve got VP’s and C-level executives getting involved in the nitty-gritty of planning a wedding. Fortunately we’re able to hold our ground on this.

3rd phase of planning gets sad. MIL is still angry about having to downgrade all her plans and sends us a new list of what she wants for the wedding. She has gone 180 the other way and requested the cheapest of everything. Plastic folding tables and chairs, no linen except at the head table, paper plates and napkins for all guests, the cheapest buffet option (basically beans and hot dogs), and so on. We’re in the middle of preparing this new proposal (it would have come in at around ~$8,000), when the bride comes in to meet with us. She is visibly upset and we get the distinct impression that she has had little to no part in planning her own wedding. It turns out her family doesn’t have much money but her fiance’s family is well-off. Her soon to be FIL offered to foot most of the cost of the wedding, but MIL has insisted she be the financial adviser so that the money is used judiciously. The bride was able to pick out her own dress, but that was one of only three things she’d been allowed to have a say in so far. We all feel bad for her, especially since we’d been dealing with the disaster that is her soon-to-be MIL for months now.

The bride makes a few requests and we change the budget to reflect these. The new proposal comes in around $14,000. We don’t hear from MIL, bride, or anyone for 3 weeks. We reach out to marketing to ask them if they’ve heard anything since the actual wedding is 1 month away and if we’re going to do this, we need to start ordering product and arranging things now. They haven’t heard anything either. We sit another week. Finally we get a fax(!) from MIL with the contract signed.

The next 3 weeks suck as MIL is back in full force, trying to get us to make changes to the contract as we refuse repeatedly.

Finally we get to the day of the wedding and technically speaking, it goes off without a hitch. However, it is a shitstorm to watch this family party. MIL gets sloppy drunk and alternates between criticizing everything we’re doing and trying to seduce one of the groomsmen. The groom gets absolutely blasted and passes out mid-way through the evening. His groomsmen think it would be hilarious to carry him, unconscious, through the stadium on their shoulders. The bride spends most of the day sitting at the head table, surrounded by her bridesmaids. The happiest I saw her all day was when she had her father-daughter dance.

This wedding was a topic of conversation amongst the staff for years afterward. Occasionally we’d hear updates on the family from the front office. The bride got pregnant soon after, her husband got a job w/Daddy’s company but made the mistake of getting plastered at a company event and making an ass of himself so he’s in flux there.

The_red_one_sucks

18. ‘Bro Groom’ Just Doesn’t Get It

My brother’s wedding. Let’s just say my brother is the epitome of bros. I swear he was born wearing a polo shirt and Oakleys. His entire wedding weekend was more about him having to leave his drinking buddies than marrying his wife. The dinner the day before the wedding was at his favorite bar which happens to be right across the street from his condo. His poor wife didn’t get a word in about anything while the dinner and the reception speeches were just hoards of bros telling drinking stories. One of the bridesmaids tried to say something about the bride and actually got told to shut up by one of the groomsmen. The best man just happened to be my white supremacist uncle who had his iron eagle tattoo prominently shown throughout the ceremony. Half of the wedding pictures were my brother and his groomsmen showing off their alcohol themed socks. Fun time though, a donkey started braying during the ceremony for about 5 minutes and I had the pleasure of hearing my drunken grandma loudly pronounce that “this is a shit show.” Me and my brother don’t get along that well.

SexwingFighter

19. Father Mortgages Home For Designer Wedding, Ruins Own Marriage

The bride had a father who was mortgaging his home to pay for the wedding. She had been given everything as a child and became accustom to life on a silver platter. She worked for Christian Dior in makeup sales and there for insisted everything must be designer.

She had a destination wedding that lasted a month at a villa in Italy. More that 50 people flew out and she had designer dresses and accessory for every single planned event for an entire month. There were nonstop events planned. She was the star of everything. Her husband was an afterthought and only beckoned for pictures when her personal photographer reminded her that they should take some together.

The extravagance of the wedding put my estimate at 2 years tops. They made it about two years, pregnancy likely playing a big part in the longevity of the 2 year marriage.

The father of the bride ended up living in the spare room of her condo with her and her new husband because the fathers of the bride had a wife that was not the brides mother and the cost of the wedding was so outrageous that they divorced over it. Father of the bride was a sales rep for a medical company, not a millionaire. Bride gives no fucks because every thing is about her and want she wants regardless of who it harms or affects.

Rule of thumb: the more extravagant the wedding, the more likely they are compensating for a hollow relationship.

Hi_Dee

20. Groom Gets Fightey With Security

I was assisting the event coordinator for a smaller venue. This was a smallish wedding, amazingly nice bride and groom, horrible mother of the groom.

Throughout the evening, the bride kept disappearing to the bathroom with one of her bridesmaids, who told me she was sick. Feeling bad for her, I got her some ginger ale and went to check on her in the bathroom. I hand her the glass, ask her how she is, and she immediately blurts out, “I’m pregnant!” And bursts into tears. Apparently the groom’s mom was very against premarital sex so no one else knew. I felt bad for her. No idea what happened.

We also had the wedding where a groom tried to punch out security.

Sometimes we just got THOSE events. You go in knowing it’s going to be a bad time. So this couple wanted everything decked out in orange and camo, which is not my thing but whatever. However, the groomsmen tried to bring rifles into the event venue which is a big no (guns+alcohol+ extended family never a good idea). They were very understanding, but the groom, who we will call groomzilla, was not. He has been drunk since at least 9am.

Anyway, by some miracle the ceremony goes off without a hitch and we get everyone served apps and dinner. This was an open bar, so by the time the first dances were over everyone was fairly wasted. We had to buy 2 more kegs for a 130 person wedding level wasted.

So then we make last call. The bridal party is nowhere to be found. After some searching, the bride is peeing out back (WE HAVE BATHROOMS) and the groom is MIA. My supervisor goes to check up by the DJ booth, and lo and behold. Groomzilla. Passed out at the top of the staircase, head facing down the stairs.

The following conversation was relayed to me by my supervisor. She is S, groomzilla is GZ.

Supervisor: “Excuse me sir, we’re closing and you can’t–”

GZ “SHHHHHH” shoves a finger in her face to shush her

She tries several more times to tell him his hotel shuttle is outside waiting, but he won’t stop shushing her like an ass. So she grabs our security guy, who we’ll call James.

James: “Hey buddy, this is a bad place to sleep-”

GZ: “Shhhhhhhh!” finger in the face yet again

James, to S: “He shushed me.”

S: “Let’s just let his friends get him outside.”

So they leave him with 2 groomsmen, who convince him to go smoke outside. Bridal party is already in the limp, minus those 3. James goes outside to make sure they’re getting their asses in the limo, and Groomzilla doesn’t like this. In a drunken haze, he lunges for James and attempts to punch him in the jaw.

James dropped his fat ass like a sack of potatoes in one, fluid, artistic motion. He rotated Groomzilla in a graceful circle before letting him land flat on his back. Nice try, dickhead.

Btw, they were some of our worst guests. Our venue was trashed and they were rude to the staff all night. All trashy assholes. They’re all blacklisted.

As for why the marriage didn’t last, he was an alcoholic, belligerent asshole who embarrassed her in front of her family.

alchemyshaft

21. Drunken Bride owns the mic

Picture this: 100 degree July summer afternoon in Northern CA. For those of you unfamiliar, it is a miserable time. Wedding itself is held at some family members house in the country, in the backyard. Absolutely no shade. White folding chairs line the dirt gravel backyard and a plastic white table runner serves as the aisle way. The ‘altar’ is a white plastic trellis from Home Depot. The bride is late to her own wedding because she is busy taking shots. After about an hour of sitting in sweltering heat, the ceremony starts. Bride can barely walk from intoxication and has a wonky drunk eye the entire ceremony. Vows are exchanged, they are official, we clap and the newlyweds walk back down the plastic table cloth aisle.

The MC then asks for the guests to pick up their chairs and CARRY them to the other side of the yard to a table for the reception.

The dance floor is 4 pieces of large plywood, painted black and set on top of a hay pile??

“Dinner” consists of random appetizers set out on plastic folding tables. Think Costco food platters.

The bride is chugging Cooks champagne from the bottle, while the groom trys to stop her, she smacks his hand away. All night the bride drunkenly gets on the mic and says gibberish. Groom looks very uncomfortable all night.

During their first dance, the bride starts yelling “I don’t even like this song!” Groom uncomfortably laughs.

Instead of allowing the wedding guests to use the restrooms inside the house, they have conveniently brought in port-o-potties and placed them around the side of the house. Not the nice kind either. The blue ones you see at music festivals. In case you are wondering, it is very questionable taking a pee in a dark port-o-potty.

The bride ends up passing out across a couple of chairs around 930pm.

I believe they were married for about 6 months.

1legallyblonde

22. Yoink

The bride grabbed my dick before she walked the aisle.

S62anyone

23. Groom Raps His Vows

Yay! My time to shine​ though in all honesty, my ex wife was the wedding planner!

I was the videographer at a wedding once, that my ex and I got last, and I mean literally last, minute. It was around a hundred miles away from where we normally worked, but hey, a contract, right?

Anyway, we finally​ make it to this huuuuuge church (Catholics know how to bring it), I get set up, ex is also the photographer so she gets with bride for pre-wedding shots. Out of the blue a second photo team shows up… My spidey senses go off a little, but hey, I’m making 800 just to show up. Wedding kicks off, it’s pretty heavily religious, but, again, we are in a church… This is the part where things get weird.

The bride starts her vows… Typical richer or for poorer stuff right? She finishes, and the Padre hands the microphone to the groom, I am mildly startled by this, suddenly there is a pretty heavy, non-churchy beat pounding through the loudspeakers… Y’all, the groom RAPPED his vows, and not well, he even took a moment to make sure the crowd were on their feet!

That was my second wtf moment.

So, ceremony ends, and on the way to the venue (a dive bar, in case you were wondering​) my ex wife is furious, it’s a terrible faux pas to hire two separate photographers for a wedding, and considering our cost alone, this is not a small deal. Turns out that the B&G had a fight before the wedding, and we had been hired to get “back at” future hubby for causing a fight pre-wedding. Third wtf moment.

Apparently the B&G had been drinking heavily by the time we went to go take after shots of family, etc, because groom throws up during pictures, it was an angry rainbow of parti-colored evil, thank god they were outdoors (credit to my ex, their photos were actually really good).

Get through catered meal without incident, but Mr “I’m gonna rap my vows and not feel the least bit of self-consciousness​” grabs a mic from NOwhere and proceeds to get his groomsmen to rap their speeches. Bride is clearly upset by this. Which causes an actual ( my first and only) fistfight between bride and groom. They get pulled apart, and she goes to the bathroom to cry. He tries in vain to keep everyone’s spirit up by, wouldn’t you know it, more Christian rap…So incredibly awkward.

Now, this is not the first time ex wife has had to deal with crying bride, so she handles everything like a champ, and we FINALLY get to first dance. At this point my wtf meter has exploded, so I’m starting to lose track of all these moments. All dances oddly enough go without a hitch, we get our check for final payment and get ready to leave…

Oh, you thought there’d be more drama?

You’re right.

Brand New sister in law does a heavily drunken speech about how bride ain’t good enough for our Christian rapper groom, which causes another fistfight. I tell ex wife that I am officially done, and we walk.

Let’s just say there was a metric shit ton of video we had to cut out, especially because the groom had a massive shiner, so 6 hours of video got cut down to 45 minutes.

We found out later that the couple didn’t last a year, and bride had to find a new church…

Mic drop.

callthetechmonkey TC mark

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