1. Nothing Is Ever Their Fault
They’ll always find some way to push the blame onto others. It’s never their fault.
2. Complains That Women Are Nags
Incredibly irresponsible; puts off things indefinitely until someone else does it for them. Probably the type to complain their mother/girlfriend/wife is a nag, because they have to resort to that to get him to do shit.
3. “Monster” Energy
Monster energy logos in his back window.
4. He Handles Rejection Like A Child
When they’re all over a girl, then she rejects them and suddenly she is a grotesque demon.
5. Being Nice Is A Transaction, Give To Get
Throws a tantrum when they don’t get their way. Like a child screaming in a store because their mum wouldn’t buy them a toy. So they never grew out of that.
Only acts nice because they want something in return. Everything has strings and an underwritten contract.
Known and read of a few breakups that happened because turns out after they moved out of their parent’s place they treated their partner like they were their new mother/father.
Mom still runs his life.
7. He Isn’t Much Of A Helper
Doesn’t offer to help clean-up after you cook for him. Goes straight to the couch.
8. He’s A Proud Slob
The guys who not only can’t cook/clean/do basic adult domestic tasks, but they’re weirdly proud of that fact to the point of bragging about it. I’m not impressed that you’re an adult and can’t manage to take care of yourself, bruh. Get your shit together.
9. An Apartment Full Of Trash
Filthy apartment. Floors never swept or washed, toilet smells like Hell’s urinal, piles of dirty laundry, few or no kitchen utensils, garbage hasn’t been taken out in who knows how long, kitchen littered with Gatorade bottles and fast food/frozen meal containers, nasty sheets, and posters of scantily clad models and/or Scarface movie posters as the only decorations.
10. Denies Lying When Caught Redhanded
Still holding on to a lie even though he has been caught. I’m holding the truth to his face but he still denies it. Damn, he could have become a politician….
11. He Prefers The Fantasy
Can’t keep a relationship going because they are more in love with a fantasy version of the girl they were with so whenever a problem actually comes along, instead of working through it, they get upset and bail because she “wasn’t who he thought she was” and he doesn’t want to actually put work into anything.
12. He’s Running In Place Forever
Living like a crackhead. Eating like a 12-year-old. Doesn’t read, doesn’t progress, complains endlessly, never assumes responsibility but would say things like “I’m such a jerk, I’m so stupid, I’m a mess.” Like yeah OK, and what will you do about it now Michael?
13. He Throws Actual Tantrums
Tantrums. My ex broke up with me over the phone at 1:30 am a few days before Christmas because I told him I was just going to hang out at my place that day and have a bath, do my nails/facemask, girly shit like that. Apparently, that’s rude because our want for chill days away from each other should align…? He was also scandalized when I said lol ok and refused to take him back. No thanks crazy ass, I’m good.
14. He Will Make His Mom Clean His Apartment On Christmas
Oh here we go, I had a roommate named Fergus or something like that. He moved in with me and one other girl in August. About November we noticed that Fergus, while using every dish in the house, had never actually washed anything. The other girl and I had been taking turns but not talking about it since our schedules were so opposite, so we’d never realized Fergus was such a POS.
But then she went out of state for a couple months, and I quickly told Fergus playtime was over, it was his turn to do the dishes. He had to good grace to apologize for “not getting around to it” and mentioned that if he’d ever seen the sink really FULL, he’d, of course, have done some dishes, but we just washed his stuff before he had a chance to. Ok, whatever.
I did the dishes from a small Thanksgiving dinner and then I left the kitchen to Fergus. I used paper plates and cups and plastic silverware for the next month. I didn’t really cook, just microwaved- it was finals anyways. And Fergus proceeded to use dishes without washing them until every cupboard was empty, and every glass, plate, bowl, cup, fork, etc. was crusted and filthy in a pile.
He clearly expected me to cave if he made a big enough mess. The other girl would have within a week. I am made of sterner stuff. I fully intended to wait however long it took.
Christmas Eve morning, after 30+ days of this bullshit, I awake to the ASTONISHING sound of the kitchen being cleaned. There’s water running, plates clinking, dishwashing going- I walk out in amazement and find a complete stranger cleaning my kitchen. She looks up at me in a somewhat unfriendly manner, and Fergus pipes up from the living room (where he is sitting motionless on his phone), “Hey this is my mom, she came to pick me up for Christmas.”
I LAUGHED. Obnoxiously. I laughed at the manchild who got his mommy to drive four hours to do his dishes and drive him home when he was 25 years old. She defended him. “Nothing’s that funny.”
“Oh, this is,” I said, and went back into my room. She mopped the floor and then they left.
After that, I basically told him that he was going to pay a service or pay me to clean the kitchen once a week because he obviously couldn’t be trusted with the level of responsibility you’d give a 13-year-old. His mom sent him an extra $75 a month for the rest of the lease.
15. He Whines To Get Attention
He whines always. Known him from age 37 to 60 and Oh My!!! Still whines. He looks like the perfect catch on paper but his emotional neediness and whining are a major turn off. Tried the relationship now trying friendship but I just can’t.
16. He Only Has One Perspective, Guess Which One
Will only clean what mess he makes: “oh you made dinner, clean the dishes you used, I’ll wash my drinking glass since I filled it”
Or he can’t be wrong, misunderstand, misspeak or not hear something correctly: “I never said that, that’s not something I say.”
Not seeing something from a different perspective, like picking your battles, a Mario Kart race is not worth throwing and destroying a controller(no money bet on game just felt “cheated”
We can’t play certain games because he gets aggressive when he loses or others are in the lead and complains all up until he wins at the end- does shit to other people in game that if done to him he would throw a tantrum.
17. Has No Tolerance For Doing Anything He Doesn’t Want To Do
Won’t put up with some unpleasant shopping trips. I know a guy that throws the biggest fit if his wife goes off their shopping list or wants to make a stop somewhere else. She will go with him to best buy while he looks at video games but when she wants to stop at bath and body works right next door he freaks out and complains the second the walk in the door about how bored he is and pouts through the whole trip.
18. Fuckboys Are All Manchildren
When the guy is in denial about calling anything you do together a “date”, but when you ask if what you’re doing is a date or bring up the notion that it could be something other than a casual hookup, you are suddenly a Psychotic Stage 5 Clinger who wants to get married and have a million babies on a strict timeline.
Geez, dude. I just asked if we were on a date because it wasn’t clear. I wasn’t asking you to freaking marry me.
19. He Only Likes Something If It’s Easy
They try something once and when it doesn’t immediately work for them, they wallow in self-pity rather than try again.
“I can’t ask out a girl, I got rejected once and it hurts too bad.”
“I can’t exercise, I ran a mile once and it didn’t do anything.”
“I tried to learn a foreign language once, but it took too long.”
All actual quotes from the man children in my life.
20. It’s Always You That’s Overreacting
They are always telling you to “let go” the inconsiderate things they do instead of owning up to them. Like it’s not they’re fault they are being a dick to you, you just need to not get so angry about it. Nothing is every the manchilds fault, especially since he has his whole life ahead of him to grow and learn from all the faults he refuses to admit he has. The manchild has no need for future plans – he “goes with the flow”, and any attempt at suggestion that may be a 30 year old adult should at least have a vague idea of what they want to do with the next at least year or so of their lives is swiftly met with accusations of being “controlling” or “pushy” or “uptight”. When confronted with a fault that is undeniable he lashes out at you for something you did years ago, or perhaps he just makes up something on the spot, or simply uses something positive as a negative, for instance you just made breakfast but because he’s mad at you for pointing out something he didn’t feel like acknowledging he claims that you NEVER make breakfast and the fact that you did doesn’t count because you NEVER do. In fact, accusations involving definitives such as “never” are constant. You “never” do anything, you “never” clean anything, you “never” do what I tell you to, etc.. You are always “never” doing something and on the off chance that you do, it doesn’t count because you “never” do it.
21. And Finally, A Megalist Of Red Flags
Oh my god. I almost married one. Here, have a list:
- Forces himself to dislike something just because you like it. Ever see a grown man grit or grind his teeth while playing a video game you encouraged him to try? I have.
- Fussy eater, will not eat anything that isn’t pizza or burgers and has zero interest in broadening his culinary horizons. I was sympathetic at first, but he aggressively refused all of my suggestions.
- Owns various books on get rich quick schemes (I know, I probably should’ve left right then & there).
- Spontaneous vehicle purchases, owns a classic car from highschool that he refuses to part with, but never drives it, works on it, or does anything with it except keep it insured and have difficulty finding places to park it.
- He had this façade of being handy, but every time he would set out to do something handy, he needed someone else there to help him. “I need James to come over and help me with the brakes on my car,” “I called my dad to help with the tile backsplash in our kitchen”, etc. etc… And then they would just end up doing it for him.
- Makes fun of the things you like. Pay attention to this, seriously. A normal guy should be able to appreciate that you like things, even if they’re different from the things that he likes. He outright mocked me for enjoying certain video games that weren’t the kill>loot instant gratification variety. A man appreciates and respects your choices, a child points and laughs at the things you like.
- Wants the house perfectly spotless but will never do anything to get off his lazy ass to help with that.
- Works a part-time job and refuses to consider trying to go back to school or do really anything to get him out of that situation that isn’t whining about not getting a promotion after working sorting mail for nearly ten years.
- Honestly, liberal arts degree. Such entitlement. Wow.
- Wants a dog, gets a dog, does absolutely fuck all with taking care of/cleaning up after/training the dog.
- Doesn’t want to have kids yet* because then he’ll have to share his toys. Seriously. He’s not being funny when he says shit like this. He’s legitimately a greedy selfish manbaby and you should not procreate with him. Learn from my almost-mistake – Run.
- Buys expensive* things right after you tell him not to buy those things, and then expects it to just be okay.
- Always talks about having a ton of money coming in. Truth is, he has no money coming in, just entitlement issues up the ass. He wants to dazzle you with cash he doesn’t actually have.
- Wants to become a lawyer. Has absolutely no interest in actually putting any effort into becoming a lawyer. In truth he actually just wants to argue more and get away with saying stupid shit in front of a judge. This is not the kind of person who becomes a lawyer.
- Any fucking time he playfully whines about something. “But I wanna see X movie, not Y!” “But I want a new one of these because mine’s not working properly!” etc. etc. etc. and then playfully laughs. Pro tip: It’s not fake whining to be funny, it’s actual whining disguised as fake-funny whining. Just stay away from any and all whining.
- Having his mother appear on your doorstep at random fucking times to harass you after you dump him and he kicks himself out. That was fun. Not. They were looking in my fucking windows to see whether I was home.
- Sending harassing texts and e-mails after you dump him saying he’s entitled to spousal support and you paying off all of his debt that he accrued without your input, even though he’s left you with two pets and a house you can barely afford on your own. That was actually fun, forwarding everything to my family lawyer to discredit him (Really, he did it all himself).
- His relatives post vaguely on their facebook about how they’re happy in their marriages/whatever and would never treat their spouse “like that”. Translation: Manbaby has been crying to entire family, you’re the scum of the earth how dare you find fault in this perfect cinnamon roll.
- Probably the biggest one – Talks a lot about stuff he wants, never actually puts forward any effort into actually getting it. Never. He just expects it to magically happen without his input at all.
- Everything you do annoys him. Literally everything. How dare you listen to music while you cook or clean. How dare you soak potting soil in the sink for plant pots, it’s so dirty even though it takes less than a minute to wipe up. How dare you get back into painting, that’s money I can’t spend on pizza. How dare you order off the dinner menu, nevermind that I go for lunch twice a week with my friend Kyle, it’s soo expensive when I eat out with you maybe twice a year… If you upset his happy norm by existing, you’re sure to hear some whining about it.
We were together nearly five years…