“Tracey. Poisonous, incompetent, hateful short little troll. Honest to god she is the only person I’ve ever wished a slow painful death on.”
“Tammy. She is praised because she says ‘exactly what she thinks’ and is ‘upfront’ and ‘honest.’ No, Tammy. You’re a bitch, Tammy.”
“Peter, aka ‘the cat talker,’ aka ‘moopy,’ aka slug Jerry. He’s not passive-aggressive, he’s just passively passive yet spends most of the day talking about himself. He used to be a runner and would talk essentially nonstop about it. How many miles he ran each day, the marathons, his shoes, etc. He literally—and I use that term correctly—destroyed his body, both hips and both knees, through various injuries and overtraining.
So he was told his running career was over but he should get replacement knees and hips. He refused to do so until replacements were good enough that he could resume running marathons. He took up biking, which ruined his body even more because he overdid it every single day. I know it was every day because every day he would go from office to office repeating the same thing over and over. Now he can barely walk, let alone bike. He’s put on at least 40 lbs. He had a pulmonary embolism and is on blood thinners. Now every day he makes the rounds telling everyone what his ‘numbers are’ and how the doctors can’t balance them.
He apologized to a female employee because his wife thinks he’s having an affair with her, despite the fact that she can’t stand him. So we have no idea where that came from.
He smells like a damp sandwich. A musty, yeasty smell. I have no idea why, but an hour after he’s in the elevator it’s detectable. Being in a meeting with him is intolerable and people won’t sit near him.
He’s the butt of almost every joke in the office and pretty much everything he does is either shit or needs to be redone. He’s a database programmer, or at least he thinks he is. I took one of his worst stored procedures (at least dozens of lines of code and many temp tables, he adores temp tables) and did it in a single select statement).
Also, he’s a vegetarian.
I finally had to say ‘Peter, I don’t care’ and since then he leaves me alone.”