“Fucking Colleen. Ohhh, let me tell you about Colleen.
Colleen has worked at my store for the last 13 years. She was there for the previous two iterations of the premises and is still here as one of the few surviving members of staff. One can only assume Colleen ate them due to her large girth, but that’s another thing entirely.
Despite being at this store for 13 years, Colleen is incapable of performing the most basic functions of a customer assistant. She does not know how to do refunds, she sometimes completely neglects people if they are waiting and continues to talk to whoever is in front of her despite their obvious discomfort, she is slow, she takes extended and unwarranted breaks (again due to her large girth) and because of the length of her tenure, she seems to think that she can tell you how to do your job despite the fact she’s never once stepped off the checkout.
Furthermore, it should be noted that for each year you work with us, you gain an extra day’s holiday to your name. Remember when I said Colleen has been at this store for 13 years? That’s right, she gets an additional 13 days’ holiday every year to supplement her 13 days’ holiday she already has, on top of refusing to ever do bank holidays. I guess, standing up for four hours every week is very strenuous for someone with a physique like Colleens. Again, despite having a lot of holiday to use, Colleen will never cover your shift. Ever. You are there to cover her and nothing else.
Quick Fire round!
She only ever talks about her kids.
She takes twice as long as everyone else to do her mandatory fire safety training, that she’s done for the last 13 years in a row.
She is late at least 70% of the time.
She will ask you a question and then interrupt you mid-answer.
Still thinks we sell stationary. (We stopped 6 months ago Colleen, stop calling me over to ask if we have any.)
tl;dr: Fuck Colleen. She’s a fat, boring, incompetent, brain-dead employee who should have been fired long before I ever started working there.”
“Adam. I’m pretty sure he was a fetal alcohol child because he’s borderline retarded. He can’t do simple multiplication.
For instance, I work in maintenance , once I was putting fire extinguishers in a square basket, when I made put 6 in there and was about to start a new row he wanted to make a bet of how many fire extinguishers would fit in the basket. I of course went with 36…he claimed only 20…
He doesn’t ever seem to think before doing anything. He’s lazy, always absorbed into his phone unless a lead or supervisor pops in, goes from forklift to other vehicles. Does jobs no one tells him to do (e.g., voluntarily helping his friends in other departments) complains about nearly any work he’s actually told to do.
He smells all the damn time. I caught him urinating inside the fucking building behind parked dump trucks because he didn’t want to walk 30 feet, and go outside and pee. He’s loud. And interrupts you any time you’re trying to say something. To anyone.
If I was a supervisor I’d have fired him a long time ago and I think the only reason he’s still there is because ours pities him. I get along with just about anyone else but him. In my second month, he borrowed $20 for ‘gas’ and claimed he’d pay me back $30 the next payday. Four years in and he hasn’t paid back a dime.
I’m not a violent person but the only reason I haven’t slashed his tires is because I don’t want to pick on the retarded.”
“Justin. We work in a machine shop and he does all our powder coating. Constantly negative, never gets his work done which slows down 3/4 of the building. Spends most of his day outside smoking, nothing against smokers (I am one). Got a raise because the owner thought that would turn his attitude around, but within 30 minutes he was complaining that we don’t get paid enough. His negativity brings down the morale of the whole shop. But finding someone willing to shoot powder all day is a challenge and so Justin still has a job.”