“Let’s call her Jane. She’s a very loud middle-aged woman with no concept of personal space, indoor voices, or keeping her nose out of other people’s business.
A month or so ago she almost got a colleague (Mary) fired after she report that Mary was stealing to support her drug habit.
Mary is a volunteer policewoman in her spare time, so a drug allegation could really muck up her future.
What Jane thought was a drug deal was actually joke Mary made about being overworked and needing a pick-me-up to see her through the day. Mary meant espresso, Jane thought she meant cocaine. So logically as Jane is in the same wage bracket as Mary and is broke, Mary must be broke too so must be stealing to get drugs!”
“The coworker that acts all snarky and condescending just because she gets a little power (doesn’t even sign your checks), causing the other coworkers to clown her all the time. Looking at you, ‘Denise.’”
“I’m going to tell you the story about my ex-coworker Dan (age 43) (fuck you Dan). A little back story, we worked in a family-owned tire shop. I was the new service writer/sales personnel, Dan was the Team lead in the shop with five years’ experience. He’s about 100 lbs soaking wet, ex-crackhead, alcoholic, and lies through his teeth.
So onto the stories. I was warned by both my bosses that Dan had a habit of telling bullshit stories. Needless to say this became very apparent after my first week there. The first story he told me was his legs are so fucked-up because he’s the only person in the world with this disability (he never would tell me exactly what it was called, or what the actual disability was). He had to be in casts from the time he was born until he was 16. While at the same time (around 16) he was in school full time, running TWO roofing crews full time, and also running around stealing bikes and chopping them and reselling them on the streets. The next story he told me (that I can remember) is how he’s only the second Canadian in history to jump out of a plane without his gear on and put it on mid-fall. Third story is he has only ever landed in two planes, and the rest he sky-dove out of. Then after telling that story he came onto the story of how he jumped from out of space to Earth just like Felix Baumgartner. Except he didn’t jump from 40,000 feet, he jumped from 400,000 feet. Also how he trained the Afghanistan Army how to snipe, and that he was the most proficient sniper in the Canadian Army with a 50 cal. (News flash, Canadian Army doesn’t use 50 cal rifles). Also how every time he drinks instant coffee if reminds him of being in the Army. (I’m pretty sure he never even made it out of boot camp).
Dan also had a bad habit of NEVER FUCKING COMING TO WORK. Last year the cocksucker missed 91 days of work, the year before 86 days, 96 the year prior. While he was a good worker when he showed up, any poor semi driver who waited by their vehicles for work to be done, had to hear all his bullshit stories.
So all in all, Daniel is my least favorite coworker due to the fact he’s a pathological liar, he’s a fucking drunk ass piece of shit. He also had to get his mom to lie for him most days, calling in like ‘yeah Dan’s still sick, we’re trying to get him an appointment with his doctor.’ Or Dan would use his mentally disabled kid as an excuse as to not show up for work. ‘Oh, Jacob’s really sick, poor kids been puking all night.’ FUNNY THING DAN, we all know Jacob lived with your mother, because if he lived in your house, he’d be in the hospital with how gross your house is, covered in mold and with your hording issues.
tl;dr—coworker with mental issues, who actually was a good worker when he showed up would lie a shit ton. No one believed him. Got his mom to lie for him when he was ‘sick.’ Missed nearly three months of work yearly. Made his mom pick up his stuff when he decided to stop showing up for work.”