23 People Confess The Dark Secret They Will Never Tell Their Family

14. I might be homeless before summer is over.

“That without a miracle I might be homeless before summer is over, and for the last few months I’ve been getting my ass handed to me by anxiety and depression. I’m trying to prevent all that, but my options are extremely limited. If my landlord decides not to work with me for the next month or so, or if some things don’t pan out in the next few days, I’ll have no place to go, no cash to sustain myself, and no way to get out of that spot.”

tatsuedoa


15. I’m depressed to the point of not wanting to live anymore.

“That I’m depressed to the point of not wanting to live anymore. I’m the life of the party, the person everyone comes to for advice, constantly reminded of how ‘great’ I am, etc.

I survived cancer in 2013, combat as an infantry soldier in 2003-2005, and lost my dad to cancer in 2010 (he was only 56). My wife is my best friend, but our marriage is coming to an end (my doing). I haven’t spoken to my mom more than once a year for a decade because I was blamed for her suicide attempts.

I’ve seen a lot of hurt in my 37 years and I’m tired of it.”

pizzaowp


16. I am screaming inside.

“That while I keep my ‘Don’t give a fuck’ attitude, I am screaming inside.

My mom’s unwell, my sister ends up arguing with my parents over everything, my dad has high blood pressure, my brother doesn’t want to admit he gets frustrated over little things and here I am in a master’s degree not knowing what the fuck to do next.

I end up becoming the ‘kind and calm’ voice of any argument because everyone just loves screaming at each other. I honestly can’t take it much longer.”

csoulr666


17. I’ve been secretly planning my suicide for several years.

“I’ve been secretly planning my suicide for several years. I haven’t shared this with anyone…since in addition to them potentially interrupting my plan it would put several years of work to protect and care for my family at risk. I still have a year left before I’ll be able to take the final steps but I think about it constantly and rarely does an hour pass that I don’t face the void and have to remind myself of the plan.

‘It’s almost time’ has been my personal mantra for the last year. My kids are nearly past their most formative years where my death will crush them and my life insurance policies are mature and I’ve had them long enough to not arouse suspicions. I do feel a sadness for having to leave my family but I know that eventually my illness will overcome my will power to control it, and I’ll end up turning to drugs and other forms of self-sabotage. It’s better for my family to remember me as an attentive father, a devoted husband, a hard worker, etc.

I’ve struggled with bipolar disorder for my entire life, I’m able to take medication to tone down my swings but it has never helped completely. Also I lived for so long without treatment that I’ve developed a very thick emotional callus. Even without the disorder I believe that I’d never really feel happy, feel love, or be contented again. But the meds help keep me in control enough that I can plan properly for the people that are important to me.

It will look like natural causes. I have another medical condition that can often lead to fatal complications and I’ve learned several ways to induce these symptoms artificially. I’ve done my research (wolfram alpha and the old A.S.H. archives), and purchased my supplies, anonymously from an encrypted VPN and left no evidence on my personal computer. The actual method will leave no evidence, though I doubt anyone would really investigate. It won’t be a mysterious event, I’ll be just another statistic of one of the most common causes of death, and I’ll finally rest.

Tldr = I’m going to kill myself in about a year. I’ve been planning it for several years to ensure that my family is taken care of.”

throwaway_495219


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