39 Discussions Every Couple Needs To Have Before Getting Married

Annie Edgar
Found on AskReddit.

1. Do you want to marry me, too?

“Make sure the person wants to marry you, too. It’s shocking, but there are people who think proposals are legitimate surprises, as in it’s never been discussed and you asking ‘will you marry me’ isn’t a guaranteed ‘yes’ ’cause you did it before. Please, for the love of public embarrassment, talk to your partner before asking.”


2. What is your actual debt?

“What is your actual debt? It’s not sexy but it’s important. I didn’t know that my spouse was 40k in debt (non-college loans) and hadn’t filed an income tax for years before we got engaged. 18 years later we are still married but man those first few years sucked and there is still some residual issues.”


3. How do you plan to raise our kids?

“Not just whether you want kids, but how you plan to raise them. My fiancée earns nearly twice what I do, but says she wants to be a stay at home mom until the youngest is 10-12 years old.

Happy to rise to the occasion but can’t say I’m not a little bit nervous about working hard enough to at least maintain our current quality of life.”


4. What would you do in the case of infertility?

“In the event of infertility, are you OK with:

Fertility treatments like IVF?


Sperm/Egg donation?


Only after we went through that question, I realized I wasn’t ok with sperm or egg donation. I’m fine with adoption, but I’d always feel like I’m carrying another man’s child or raising another woman’s child with sperm or egg donation. I rather adopt than do it with someone else. Plus, there’s a lot of children who need parents.

Came in handy because after the wedding, I found out I have an autoimmune, Sjögren’s, and that increases the chances of a fetus in carrying getting a heart defect. It was a stressful time and if I didn’t know how my husband would react beforehand, it would’ve been more stressful.”


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Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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