10. She laughs and said, ‘I just wanted some dick, didn’t think you’d mind.’
“In university, was out partying and had quite a few drinks. This girl, Lori, went back with me to my dorm (We had been seeing each other on and off, very FWB). We both crashed and fell asleep.
Enter some time later and I wake up, still pretty shitfaced, and she’s riding me, no protection. I go to throw her off, and she’s pinned me down (that half-awake moment + being still inebriated makes it hard to do anything, despite me being 6’3″, 220lbs). She laughs and said, ‘I just wanted some dick, didn’t think you’d mind.’ Of course I mind.
Later that week, I went down to university services to talk to someone because it wasn’t right. I didn’t feel good about it, was worried about diseases and the like, etc. Was told because I was a man, I couldn’t be raped. Tried to work with police. Was told the same thing.
It’s been a good 15 years since, and I’ve moved past. I strongly advocate and fight against things like the Duluth Model (domestic violence that assumes the man is at fault) and for more men’s support in domestic violence and rape cases. No one should have to go through it. There’s no reason anyone should.”
11. No blurred lines. Just straight-up rape. Me telling her to stop and she continuing with threats or by me being tied up.
“Dated a girl for three years. My first. I was the first one amongst my friends to get laid or be in a relationship which I think kept me in it for so long. Feeling that I should be grateful and having something to prize.
Anyhow, turns out she was manipulative, emotionally violent, and at rare occasions physically violent. None of which I could see at the time. I had zero experience or things to compare it to. It took me about a year after she dumped me to have the thought ‘Thaaaat…was probably not good.’ Took me 15 years to finally realize a lot of the times we had sex quite clearly constituted rape. No blurred lines. Just straight-up rape. Me telling her to stop and she continuing with threats or by me being tied up.
I’ve come to realize it wasn’t even about the sex. It was about control. She didn’t seem interested at all, sometimes watching TV and just keeping at it. I’d tell her to stop, sometimes just breaking down and crying. She’d do stuff like tell me mid ‘sex’ she was ofd the pill and keep on going. Now I’m quite certain she wasn’t though.
Anyhow, took me 12 fucking years to realize men could be raped at all and 15 to begin thinking about my experiences. Unlocked a lot of explanations for my behavior later in life…been to therapy with OK results but not brilliant. Sometimes I feel I should have just kept it buried in the back of my head and sometimes it feels healthy to be able to talk about it.”