21. It Started With An Entire Bottle Of Champagne
About eight months ago, Tinder date. She suggests brunch at Max’s Wine Dive on McKinney. (We’re in Dallas.) I pick her up at the Arpeggio apartments in Victory Park. She’s not ready, so she buzzes me in. Her apartment is beautiful, lots of high-dollar stuff, no roommate.
We go to Max’s at 1pm. She drinks an entire bottle of champagne by herself. We leave, and in the car she says she wants to stop by a shop in West Village. I park in the parking garage and get out. I look for her and don’t see her. I hear a noise, so I look around my car and she’s squatting next to the wall peeing on the ground.
We go into the shop. She takes a few dresses into the changing room and tells me to come over. I stand outside the changing room and she pulls me inside. She completely undresses, gets in the clothes, asks me what I think, undresses, gets in more clothes, etc.
She takes about $1,500 worth of clothes to the counter and tells the cashier she really has to pee. Cashier says sorry. My date begs, so cashier relents and takes her into the back, but it’s too late. The damage is done. She also buys a new pair of pants.
On the way back to her apartment, she answers a call and starts talking in a foreign language that I can’t place. Couldn’t even guess the continent. She’s very nervous and upset. She hangs up and tells me she has to go to her other apartment at the Cirque, also in Victory Park. She asks me to go in with her. We go into her apartment which is also completely beautiful and belongs only to her. She has a badass telescope that I start playing with. In the mirror, I see her open a safe and put something in her purse. She tells me we need to leave and asks me to take her to my house.
We go to my house and she instantly passes out. Stays passed out for about 6 hours. Wakes up, wants Dairy Queen. It’s closed and she starts crying. I take her to Sonic. She gets a cheeseburger, a chili dog, cheese fries, and a sundae. We come home, she eats it and throws up. Passes out on my couch. I read and go to sleep.
Next morning she asks if she can stay and watch football. I tell her I have plans and need to take her home. She says she can’t go to either of her apartments. I tell her too bad, I have plans, and drop her off at Cirque. She texted asking when we could see each other again but I never responded.
22. No Third Date
I met a girl from Match. All went well, but as a veteran online dater, I only met her for a drink so that we’re not stuck in some awkward dinner thing if we hated each other; apparently that was set for date #2. So, on the second date, she asked me to pick her up outside her place, which I did. I ended up selecting the wrong place from Waze, and we went way out of the way.
I could sense she was a little annoyed, but I corrected it, and off we went to the other location. Dinner with plans to go to a band after. We had an hour wait for a table, but luckily that hour was filled with complete utter silence. Dinner was awkward. Not wanting to be rude, I asked her if she still wanted to see the band. Nope. Take me home. Oh thank god.
So, we pull up outside her apartment building and she looks over and says goodnight. She grabs the door handle but it doesn’t open. It sticks and you have to lift and pull the door in before it’ll open. Her eyes are WIDE OPEN looking at me, as she tries to open the door frantically. I tell her it sticks, and lean over to open it for her. She SCREAMS. I mean, like I’m going to rape her or something. I get the door open as she counter-rapes my ear with her screams. She hustles off up the walkway to her apartment and didn’t even close the door to my truck behind her. No third date.