11. Giving A Guy A Second Chance
I met a guy from OKCupid. The first time we met up in a public place and just had a casual chat. It wasn’t a horrible date, but it wasn’t very memorable either. I decided to give him another try because it could have just been nerves. The 2nd date he invited me over to his place… I knew he lived with his parents, but I kind of assumed they’d be away.
They weren’t away. They kept coming into the loungeroom and giving us iced tea and chips whilst he played XBox in his track pants (no shirt) and I sat there awkwardly watching. He didn’t really speak much to me. It was 11 pm, and he was in his 30s.
12. “Donotanswer Penispic”
I went on a Tinder date with a guy who is now in my contacts as “Donotanswer Penispic.” Prior to the date, he seemed normal. We texted and talked on the phone then arranged to meet at a restaurant/bar. He was cute but definitely bitter about something. He was from California and apparently didn’t like this new city we were in. He started talking about sex and blowjobs and complaining about how uptight everyone here is about sex. He invited the waitress to a party his company was throwing, after sending back the French fries he ordered. I showed him a picture of my dog on my phone; he took out his phone and showed me a picture of his penis. We walked out of the restaurant together to get our cars from the valet. My car came first and I left. He texted me later that he had my sweater (apparently I dropped it on the way out) and if I wanted to see it again I’d have to hang out with him. RIP, sweater.
13. A Date Lets It All Out
Met girl on Match. She showed up 20 minutes late. I had to “excuse myself” so I could hide out in the bathroom and write down as much of the batshit crazy things this woman was saying before I forgot.
Topics included, but were not limited to: Daddy issues, her mother loves her brother more, miscarriage, being married before, when “we” start dating, when “we” are married, setting me up with her assistant, how she’ll “fuck me with blood on my face,” things she does when she’s high, Brazilian trance music, adopting children, what’s my dog’s name again, how she doesn’t trust animated movies, why she was 20 minutes late, owning a business, when it’s acceptable to use the c-word, being a vegetarian, her blind cat, her dying uncle, abusive relationships, the city of Tampa, free range urination, and can we order tater tots.
We didn’t go out again.