5. “you’re not leaving me, I’m leaving you!”
I was going to have a second date with this girl. She knew of three parties happening on the same night, so she suggested that we hit all three. Sounded good to me, so off we go.
At party one, her best friend from college is there that she hasn’t seen in four years. They immediately run off together, and I’m left with the friend’s boyfriend having a drink. I think to myself, this is no big deal. She hasn’t seen her friend in a long time, and the night has a lot more to go. She comes back after a while and suggests we head on to the other party. Great!
Arrive at second party. My date immediately runs off with some other friends. Like, “Tim, oh my god, how are you doing,” and dashes across the party to find him. I slowly follow behind, but then they keep scurrying on to talk to other people without the girl making it clear that she wanted me to come. I feel really awkward because she doesn’t introduce me or say anything about me. I’m just an awkward guy there that no one knows. I get tired of that and go to the bathroom, where I find that the door has been ripped off its hinges. I find a screwdriver and fix the door before using the bathroom. Fast forward 30 minutes, my date finds me and suggests we go to the final party. But this time, her friend Tim is going to join us. Okay…
Arrive at third party. As soon as we walk in the door, Tim says he needs cigarettes, and the girl and Tim run out for cigarettes and leave me at this new party with all these other people I don’t know. They are gone for 45 minutes, by which time I decide that this date isn’t working out and I should just go home. When my date comes back with cigarettes, I tell her I’m leaving and she FLIPS OUT. She starts screaming at me in front of everyone about how she was going to have sex with me later and how I ruined everything. Then she proceeds to scream, “you’re not leaving me; I’m leaving you,” after which she bolts out and slams the door.
Then everyone at this other party, whom I don’t know, is staring at me while my date, who brought me there, has abandoned me.
Someone eventually comes and offers me a drink. I stay for another hour and laugh it off with the people at the party. Am still friends with some of those fine people today.
Got asked out by a girl I knew and was sort of interested in, but didn’t really know all that well. We went to an open-air jazz concert, not really my thing but sure. Once there she immediately was all over me (hugging, sitting on my lap etc.) Things were going great (or so I thought) It was at that point when things started getting weird: several band members were giving us strange looks from the stage while playing their jazz music. One piano player was mouthing things in our direction, but I couldn’t make out what he wanted. People were rude to me for no reason whatsoever while getting drinks. Long story short: my date knew just about all people there and wanted to get back publicly at her (very large) boyfriend for cheating on her. Don’t hate on me jazzfucks, I’m just an innocent sucka! Awkward ending: I met them both later that evening at the train station and she pretended not to see me.
7. First Time On Tinder
The first time I ever used Tinder was also my worst experience with Tinder. The date itself was fine – a little stiff – but fine. Typical questions like what are you studying, where did you grow up, etc. We ate dinner and I didn’t plan on meeting up with him again.
The next day I got a text from him saying, “Hey.” I text him back “Hi”. He asks me what’s up, I say not a whole lot what’s up with you…
End up getting a HUGE paragraph back talking about his creative process for writing (and trying to direct) a specific type of porno where women crush rats and tarantulas between their breasts. WHAT THE FUCK.