10. Missing Time With No Explanation
I was driving back home to Los Angeles with a friend of mine after visiting family near Phoenix, AZ. We were headed west on highway 58 just out of Boron, CA en route to Mojave to catch the 14. It was night and we were jamming out to some music. The next thing I know I’m waking up, looking around and realizing that I was pulled over on the side of the road and that approximately 3 hours had passed. My buddy was fast asleep so I woke him up and we both kind of had a psychological meltdown. After we calmed down a little we went home and never really spoke of it since. I have absolutely no idea when or how we transitioned from listening loud music and driving down the road to waking up safe on the side of the road.
11. An Abductee Tells Their Story
Well here goes. I guess I would consider myself an abductee.
As a child I had experiences of being abducted. I would lie awake in my bed all night in a state of hyper vigilance, trying to observe the bedroom door, closet door, windows, and walls around me all at once, until I exhausted myself to sleep. I have various memories of the little grey aliens grabbing me by the wrist to lead me around places outside of my bedroom (wherever they took me — nothing resembling a ship or anything, just a plan room), ‘counting’ my spine (they would run their fingers up each vertebrae on my back and to my child’s mind they were counting them), entering my room through the walls and so on. I’m terribly afraid of needles and I’m always worried that the nurse is going to touch the bone of my arm with the needle.
The small grey ones are about as tall as toddlers, 3 ft I suppose, classic grey. Large heads, big insect eyes. Their torso and limbs are very slender and you have difficulty figuring out how they stand and walk upright carrying that large head. Their fingers are very long, and the long fingers and the eyes are the creepiest things about them. Being with them is like being in the same room as a very creepy doll or mannequin, except they move around and are alive. They have a very disturbing vibe about them.
Their skin is grey and seems not to be flesh — it looks like it’s made out construction putty or something like that. They have no wrinkles and no musculature — their skin doesn’t wrinkle when they move, and you can’t see muscles flexing or anything like that. They don’t seem to have and personality or will, they are just like drones or something. I imagine that they probably stand in a closet when they are not working. But they still seem to be organic — they are not machines or robots. That skin and those eyes are their real skin and eyes, not a space suit or a helmet.
I also have memories of a ‘big’ grey alien, perhaps 6 feet tall, who I would be brought to after the ‘little guys’ were done with me. She defintely had a personality and a sense of presence about her. Her skin seemed to have more features — she wasn’t just putty like the little guys. I don’t know how I thought she was female, but perhaps her features were more slender.
She would look into my eyes with her large eyes and she could see all of my thoughts. I could sense her in my head. She would say things to me, clearly as an attempt to get me to believe them or buy into them. I could recognize them as not being my thoughts, but she didn’t seem to care. Trying to push against her will is like pushing a car in neutral when it’s coming down an incline — the car pushes you instead.
Having her in my mind is a very disempowering experience, and I would almost liken it to rape, but I don’t know what rape really is like, and I imagine it’s way worse. But I am trying to give you an idea of what it’s like. It’s not cool or fun at all. Someone else is in your innermost sanctum, your own mind and thoughts, and you didn’t invite them, you don’t want them there, and they are just doing whatever the hell they want.
At various times, she told me (telepathically) “Don’t make too much trash, or people will get sick” and “Stop cutting down so many trees”.
So also told me “We’re very grateful for your help”, “You’re a big help to us in our project”, and “Don’t tell other people about us, because they can’t see us, and they will only get upset”. She tried to make me feel positive about me being there, but I wasn’t having any of it. I only wanted them to take me back home. I had no idea where I was.
It’s like when you’re a kid, and a teacher tries to encourage you for doing something you don’t want to do, like sweeping the floor or picking up after yourself. “You did a great job sweeping! You’re such a big help” You don’t give a shit about helping the teacher, you just want to go and play or whatever. Well, I didn’t care what the Big One was saying. I just wanted to go home.
They’ve never told me any secrets of the universe, and I’ve never had any hybrid alien or non-grey experience.
FWIW I’ve had sleep paralysis experiences, and to me, these are different, just like a dream is different from a nightmare, and a nightmare is different from sleep paralysis.
In sleep paralysis, I have a dream (or nightmare) about a physical presence that is hostile or angry, and is restraining me or physically accosting me. I panic for a few moments, find that I can’t move, and then I jerk myself awake. Once I’m awake, it fades away quickly , just like a nightmare becomes not-so-real when you wake up.
With alien abductions, I don’t find myself knowing that they’ve happened. I just wake up feeling like complete shit, maybe several days in a row, and I might have daydreams about aliens or remembering scenes from alien abduction shows.
Sometimes I wake up in the early morning with the sense that “they just left”. I won’t be able to sleep for hours, and I will be very aware and afraid of doors and windows. I’m a grown man and when this happens I am not able to fall back to sleep for at least an hour.
As a kid, I remember finding an alien abduction book in the library, and it was like a door had been unlocked. My mom took us to McDonalds afterwards, and I finished the book there. I couldn’t put it down, and for the next three days, I was in shock. It was like confirmation that they were real, that other people did know about them, and that I was really never safe from them.
After that, as a teenager, I got my hands on all the alien abduction books and shows I could find. They scared the shit out of me but I had to keep reading them.
I have strong opinions about depictions of grey aliens, and there are some I consider to be very accurate while others seem like a stylized interpretation by someone who has never seen them. Basically, the more ‘realistic’ or human they looks, with facial features such as cheeks, septum, nose, wrinkles, or under the skin musculature, the less ‘authentic’ it seems to me. Also the eyes my be completely insectoid, wrapping around the sides, not forward facing or oval like a human’s. I suppose a wasp or a mantis has the most alien-like eyes out of all the insect. There are certain cats I’ve seen that seem to have alien-shaped eyes.
In my 20s I started seeing a therapist (I have depression) and during some really intense sessions I recalled the memories of the aliens, the specific memories I outlined about. I don’t believe the memories were blocked or anything; I just never dared ever to recall them, because the whole thing is so terrifying. I believe it’s a form of PTSD– it really does interfere with your sleep and mood. After that session, I was shaking so badly the therapist wasn’t going to release me to let me drive. She had to walk me through breathing exercises to get me to calm down.
If I were someone other than myself, I would be completely skeptical, and conclude that the alien abduction experience is just another type of sleep paralysis. Or that reading too many scary alien books will corrupt your mind. Or that is a ‘cover’ memory for sexual abuse. (But why would you dream up aliens? They’re as small as toddlers and frail looking. They never touched me sexually anyways).
But me having had the experiences I had, I just can’t believe it. Even if they device an experiment where they hook people up to machines and have brainwaves proving that certain types of sleep paralysis is the alien abduction phenomenon, I would still believe they were somehow real, because the experiences feel real, even after you wake up, not like a dream, nightmare, or sleep paralysis.
I don’t believe that aliens are organic creatures that evolved on another planet and fly here in advanced ships — the physics of faster than light travel just doesn’t work. The only ‘explanation’ I can come up with is that either they are creatures that can travel interdimensionally (perhaps they come from another dimension themselves) or they exist as independent entities in human consciousness. I know both of those are too crazy to really be explanations, but to me, those creatures are more than nightmares.
I know that on a logical level this is some kind of nightmare or brain disturbance, but let me tell you, the people that suffer from this really do suffer. Some people made up a name for this: “Post Abduction Disorder”. They aren’t trying to say that abductions are real, but just trying to help people who suffer from this. Of course, it’s not taken very seriously, and I understand why. But I do wish sufferers could talk more freely about it, without fear of ridicule or dismissal. I know it sounds completely crazy to people who haven’t suffered it.
This is the most I’ve ever told anyone about it. I am not interested in going to any groups or anything; my suspicion is that they are convinced there’s a government coverup. I’m not interested in conspiracy theories.