1. An entire hour has gone by and neither one of you has faked a bathroom trip, received a “really important work email,” or directly asked for permission to look at your cellphone.
2. They haven’t mentioned their ex. Talking about past relationships on a first date is illegal and indicates that the date is distracted. When you meet someone for the first time and like them, you should be in the present. You should be thinking to yourself, “Wow! I really like this person I can have new experiences with!” Not “Oh my god, my ex is the worst! Let me tell you EVERYTHING, super cool new person I want to date!”
3. They’re finding excuses to grab your arm or knee and it’s not creepy. Not to get all Cosmo on you guys but body language is everything. A casual knee rub means things are headed in the “Let’s get naked and potentially have babies!” direction. It all starts with the unnecessary knee rub.
4. You allude to hanging out again in the near future and they don’t recoil or start talking about how they’re traveling every week for the foreseeable future.
5. They laugh at your online dating horror stories and share their own instead of guiltily nodding along while silently judging you.
6. Your date is hotter than the pics they posted on their online dating profile.
7. In complete defiance of your expectations, you continue to make hilarious, rapid-fire jokes and meaningful eye-contact, not once stumbling over your words or engaging in uncontrollable, excessive mumbling and awkward joking, which you often do in uncomfortable situations, such as first dates.
8. Your date has ignored two phone calls to listen raptly to you humblebrag about your profession.
9. Your date remembers specific details from your profile and the messages you’ve exchanged and uses that information to make conversation rather than showing up completely clueless like it’s a cold call.
10. They don’t invite you into their apartment. Sleeping with someone on the first date usually means “You’re cool and stuff but I kind of just want to get it in and never call you back.” By keeping it chaste with a simple make out sesh, you’re telling the person that you would like to see them again. You just need a build-up and some preservation of mystery first. By denying them a “tour” of your place, it’s like you’re giving yourself insurance, a guaranteed call-back. “JUST SAY NO TO GET A LONG-TERM YES!”