They say they love me. They say they’ll do whatever they can for me. They say they worry about me, that they’re thinking about me. They say they want me to be happy. Yet they always undermine my chance of happiness.
The word ‘family’ is now tainted, an ugly word. My sisters shouldn’t be liars, my father shouldn’t pretend to care, my mother shouldn’t be so controlling. My cousins shouldn’t make excuses, my aunts shouldn’t refuse to understand.
They should never make me feel guilty of expressing my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. They shouldn’t make me feel guilty of being me.
I don’t need that, nobody needs that. I don’t need them, I only need myself. I have my own feet for my own path, my own mind for my own thoughts. I have my own eyes for my own observations, my own heart for my own soul. I have my own body for my own being, my individuality, me.
For the first time, I’m unafraid to listen and follow my own instinct. I throw away their map, their guidelines, their false love, stepping towards somewhere new. Each step is a relief. I begin to run, finally able to breathe again. I run faster than ever, feeling more alive than ever. My sweat cleanses my body of old bruises and woes, the aches in my muscles urging me to pull forward.
Finally, an aching pain that feels good. I have so much to say, so much love to give away. I have so much life inside of me, ready to be seen. I don’t say goodbye, I only say “hello,” welcoming in a new life that’s waiting for only me.