You keep telling yourself you’ll be better. You keep making promises about a later date and time. A time when you’ll be thinner, happier, and have more will power.
You beat yourself up over “bad” days and swear you’ll have endless good days starting tomorrow, starting Monday, starting then, next time.
You read blogs and look at pictures for inspiration. Everything is black or white. You tell yourself that you are either being good or being bad, never just being.
You hate yourself or love yourself. You believe you are either getting better or you’re getting worse. Always gaining or losing, and you don’t know how to stay constant. You don’t know how to stay happy.
You measure food and covet Mondays. You can’t stop thinking about calories and your thighs and double-stuff Oreos.
You start working out for 2 hours a day and feel guilty when your schedule doesn’t allow you to complete it.
But you know better, of course. You know this is not the recipe for happiness.
You know that the recipe is balance, and sleep, and some socialization. It’s eating mostly healthy food, but enjoying some cake and seasonal beer sometimes too.
It’s going for a walk or jog before work and having a big delicious lunch.
You remember how many wonderful things your body can do, like run and heal and digest all the food you shove into it. Your body can lift things and snuggle up and tell you when it needs sleep and food. You decide to take care of it.
Taking care of your body is doing things that make you feel good, like exercising a reasonable amount, and eating food that makes you feel energized and satisfied.
It’s making mostly good choices, but not going crazy over counting calories and weighing in.
It’s not so black and white. It’s not good or bad days.
It’s your life.