Drown all of your feelings in a tub of queso cheese. Make sure it’s the white kind from a fast-food Mexican chain, though. The grocery store stuff won’t cut it.
Write a private e-mail or Facebook message to your friends about people who annoy you and what you’d like to do to them…hypothetically.
Smear chocolate all over your face, ’cause who gives a fuck?
Postpone every single work task on your Outlook calendar to a later time or date.
Count all the Mondays between now and your retirement.
Spend $14 at Starbucks and have a frappuccino as a dessert for your queso.
Consider Internet trolling as an actual career.
Read US Weekly magazine and feel better about your woes because…stars! They’re just like us! They eat M&M’s!
Spill coffee on your pants and laugh about it like a crazy person.
Make plans for every single weekend between now and your retirement.
Daydream about the ability to pause time.
Think about all of the money you’ve ever spent on rent. Now think about a Harry Potter Gringotts goblin burning all of it and making mean jokes about how you’ll never own a home.
Imagine that all your male bosses wore red lipstick today.
Consider how many hours it would take to watch everything on Netflix. Everything.
Imagine apocalypse scenarios that would still have Netflix and queso.
Become nostalgic about grade school when you had no bills and healthy dinner was prepared by your mother every night.
Decide not to go on a jog today because of all the queso.
Imagine what it would feel like to do a “Tough Mudder” 5K race, but with queso instead of mud.
Fantasize about being a comedy writer.
Consider your favorite apocalypse scenario and how that might be better than working in an office until you’re 60.