I Don’t Know If I Want Him Anymore

Stephanie Krist
Stephanie Krist

Initially I wanted him
His soft voice lures me closer,
The smell of his colon, draws me a step forward.
Nothing matters the sky, the moon, the stars
At the beginning I feel,
His chest against mine, his hands down my spine
Smoothly he tries to undress me.
All I need is him to embrace me.

Half way through I run COLD
Isn’t making love a mutual feeling?
Aren’t I supposed to feel my heart syncopate to yours?
Am I crazy or sick as you were told?
Trying to touch me slowly,
seducing me patiently
Ain’t a cure nor prayer a remedy.
All I crave is my own kind,
Her to breathe down my neck.

Like a vampire’s thirst for blood,
My body longs for what even I don’t understand.
Images and dreams flaunt my head.
My body frequently mislead,
Trying hard to withstand.
Go the extra mile to make you understand,
The COLD lonely nights I live in your warmth
Alive me only in my dreams.
My emotions mislead by thoughts and stigma.

You, family, friends all close to my heart
But my sexuality is my heart.
Sexual profanity a sin, they preach
But my emotions remain an uncertainty.
What now?
Force myself into an engagement
with pain marriage with dissatisfaction
For the approval and satisfaction of Parents,
society you and the majority
Like the minority I remain UNCERTAIN. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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