Do you guys know who this is? Her name is Courtney Stodden, and she rose (stumbled? Flailed?) to semi-fame after she married her 51 year old half-man, half-reptile husband (also known as the creepy prison guard from The Green Mile, also known as Doug Hutchison) at 16 years old.
Comparatively, I got off lucky. The average 419 scam victim loses $6,542, whereas I “only” lost $2,650.
Semi-ambitious and fully conscious beautiful biracial butterfly seeks employment. Requires 4 days off/week and $80,000/year+ salary. Will not: wear nametag or bra, answer to authority, keep regular hours, or pass a drug test. Will offer customer service based on the attractiveness of the customer, bare breasts to make sales, take TCBY breaks on a regular basis, starting at 10 am when they open.
Buy most of your clothes in a payday-induced frenzy at Forever 21, the Divided section at H&M, or any discount fashion warehouse. These places are usually found along prominent boulevards in bad areas of your city, and are designated by names like “Fashion 4 U,” “Fashion 4 Less,” or “Ropa Para Toda La Familia.”
How a former party girl with a lust for buffets, sequins, and boozing has never been to Vegas by 24 years old is beyond me. I’ve been obsessed with Vegas since I turned 20 and all my friends have been multiple times, but my broke ass has never been able to swing it when the opportunity presents itself.
I understand hair envy. Why do you think black people spend literally billions of dollars every year in the hair industry? I know you see us walking around with Afros, dreads, braids, and cornrows and get jealous that your hair “can’t do that”, but all I ask is for you to just let us have this one.
You look down at your sippy cup and mumble, “I kinda stopped drinking.” “Oh, like you’re not drinking tonight? I totally get that, you know. Everybody needs a night off once in a while.” “No, it’s more like a permanent thing.” (HUGE AWKWARD SILENCE) The old friend says something like, “Oh, haha, hmmmdkjahjha…..” pretends to see someone else, and walks off.
The Group recites the Serenity Prayer, and you lip-synch the first few bars of “If Your Girl Only Knew” by Aaliyah (R.I.P. babygurl) because you don’t know the words. It’s too late to back out now. As everyone sits back down, individuals begin sharing their feelings and experiences based on the group topic, which is usually something like “Unity.”