For The Ones Who Are Trying To Avoid Heartbreak

This is for the sensitive people, the ones who remain soft despite the difficulty of this world. You are a person who has been told that you feel too deeply, love too quickly, and jump in too soon. You know deep in your soul that you were meant to be part of a unit, and you delight in all aspects of a partnership from the mundane to the magical. You are filled with hope from the first breaths of a new relationship, wondering if this will finally be the one. The one who understands you, the one who shows up for you, the one who is yours forever. Unfortunately, and likely for a variety of reasons, forever hasn’t happened for you yet.

You’ve gone through the devastation of heartbreak and it’s taking some time to recover. Perhaps it’s been one heartbreak after another and it’s been so very difficult to heal. You don’t quite feel like yourself, and you’re not sure how to get back to who you were before you experienced these losses.

You find yourself wondering how to avoid going through this again. How do you avoid shattering into a million pieces when love leaves your life? There is advice written that will tell you to not invest too early in a relationship, to keep your heart guarded until you’re sure things are going somewhere. These advice-givers will tell you to change what you’re looking for in a partner, that you’re too picky, or maybe not picky enough, or that you have to wait for some sort of mystical timing for things to line up. Maybe there is a bit of truth to some of the advice. If you are constantly picking people who treat you terribly, then you do need to change what you’re looking for. If you are looking for perfection, you need to alter your expectations. However, following this or any other advice will not guarantee a successful relationship.

The real truth is that you cannot avoid heartbreak. At least, you can’t avoid heartbreak if you intend to live a full and meaningful life. You can stay hidden in your home and never try to date or meet people, but to do so is to invite another kind of heartache altogether, that of loneliness and regret. In reality, you must risk pain in order to have what you want. Success travels down a road paved with failures, and this is true even in romance. To avoid heartbreak is to avoid the possibility of a deep, astonishing love that takes your breath away. To avoid heartbreak is to remove the chance of finding the person who feels like home.

Please, if you are truly seeking guidance, listen to this. Gather up your courage, dig deep, and try again. No matter what happens, keep making the effort and moving forward. In the end, you will be glad that you did, and you will have lived a life with few regrets.

Psychologist by day, writer by night.

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