Do’s And Don’ts Of Workplace Crushes

We’ve all been there. That super cute guy who sits quietly in his cubicle and refuses to notice your best ‘bend ‘n snaps’ so strategically performed right as you walk by, or the man who seems less than interested in after work drinks despite your ever so casually smooth invitations. Here is what can only be considered an honest attempt at strategies to get that special someone’s attention this Valentine’s Day.

PSA: I am the most awkward person to ever live/flirt so these are hypothetical ideas that should work in theory but I have yet to not royally fuck up.

DO: Make a Good First Impression.

Introduce yourself if he/she is new (preferably without extraneous word vomit). Shake their hand (wipe first if clammy). Make eye contact (OK, let go of his hand now). Try to resemble a functioning human being who can hold a conversation (yet to personally master).

DON’T: Be Creepy.

When I was working over the summer at a day camp, there was a Counselor in Training who apparently liked some of female lifeguards. So instead of walking over to their stand and striking up a conversation like a rational human, he chose to go into the staff directory, get their cell phone numbers, and text them. Not only text them, but add them on Snapchat as well (and I’ll let your mind wander as to what he chose to send). His shot with those girls (minus the fact that he was going after two at a time, rookie mistake) disappeared faster than a plate of Milano’s at a Weight Watchers meeting. Moral of the story: Don’t be a creep.

DO: Hang out in a group outside of work.

Chances are there are at least one or two more people in the office who you could stand hanging out with for an additional hour or so after work (Xanax may be called for). Making after work drinks or lunch out a group activity sets the stage to genuinely get to know someone and build a friendship. Office romances aren’t usually the ideal situation, so if you seriously want to pursue someone, you should know whether or not you actually like being around them in an out-of-work setting.

DO: Your work and do it well.

Knowledge is sexy and so is success and motivation. Yeah, some people find it intimidating and you may be running the risk of being called a bitch (bite me). However, I personally would rather be considered the smart girl who can hold an interesting conversation or the one who everyone wants to work with on a project rather than the bimbo who just giggles and flirts and is known for bringing her cleavage to the table instead of badass ideas. But that’s just me.

So here’s to February being the month of office romances (or hookups; we like those too) and liquid courage at the Valentine’s Day party to help you forget everything on this list and just go for it.

[protected-iframe id=”8743603e284863d0f091ac892e51ceaf-7369149-63222351″ info=”http://www.fastcompany.com/embed/d4954e10b3193?rel=1&src=embed&veggiemode=1″ width=”560″ height=”315″ frameborder=”0″ scrolling=”no” allowfullscreen=””]