Toxic relationships can be addicting. There’s something about the ups and downs that makes you want to stay on the roller coaster forever – every low brings an adrenaline-rushing high. But toxic relationships will ultimately wear you down, and it’s important to look for the signs. Here are seven instances that aren’t “normal” in a relationship after all.
1. You fight, you break up, you make up, you fight, you break up, etc.
I know, I know. You two are just “passionate.” But trust me when I say dysfunction is different from passion and vicious cycles.
2. You’ve stopped hanging out with – or even talking to – anyone but them. And maybe your parents.
Be it out of obsession or jealousy, I can assure you that it’s not out of “love,” because they should not be the only one you love. Sure, they might be your best friend, and they might be your favorite friend to hang out with, but you shouldn’t abandon your other friends – after all, you don’t need to just love your partner. And if they think that you should only love them, it’s controlling, plain and simple.
3. You’re constantly referencing to old fights, even if you’ve since resolved these problems.
Forgiving and forgetting is key in a relationship, especially if you’ve moved past these problems. Rehashing old fights in order to “win” or to avoid compromise is unhealthy and will make your partner wonder if you’re even capable of forgiving in the first place.
4. You apologize for the dumbest shit because they’ll blow up otherwise.
Forgetting to replace the toilet paper? Fight. Accidentally dropping their phone? Fight. Asking them to please stop yelling? You guessed it – fight.
5. You’re constantly pointing out flaws by giving backhanded compliments.
Partners are teammates. You don’t point out the flaws – you help them to grow, and grow in that process yourself. You learn from each other.
6. They make you feel stupid every time you even slightly mess something up – even if it’s irrelevant to your relationship.
You’re not stupid. And if they think you are, then how can you expect them to love you and respect you unconditionally? You can’t. Also, you’re human, not a robot – you’re going to make mistakes.
7. You say things like “if you loved me, you wouldn’t do this.”
Manipulation is extremely common in toxic relationships. Don’t fall into it.
Relationships aren’t perfect – sometimes you’ll fight and try to gain leverage, sometimes you apologize because they’re stressed and accidentally take it out on you. As long as this is a rarity and you two can genuinely apologize for acting out, then you’re in the clear. But if you experience any of these seven on a regular basis, then there is a good chance that your relationship is toxic, and you should get out. Because not all relationships are toxic – and I promise that you’ll find a good one eventually.