I Love You, I’m Sorry, And This Is Our Last Goodbye

men's brown hat
A L L E F . V I N I C I U S Δ / Unsplash

Watching you from the balcony of the beach house is the best moment I’ll always want to go back to. You, in those navy blue khaki shorts and a cup of freshly brewed coffee in your hands, it was the sweetest slice of heaven. You were divine in that morning look: shirtless masculine human being I almost died just by watching you walk towards me. Your smile that already kissed me before you could land those lips to mine. Your eyes that drowned me more than the depths of the oceans. I was dreaming every time. A fairy tale made for you and me. A happy ending. But… things are different now; they turned cold as ice and shattered like broken glass. The rose that was once red and vibrant has withered to the ground. The waterfalls, once fresh and sparkling, have finally run dry. I loved you first before myself. But the sight of you being with a girl after another kept ripping me apart. I was dying every day. I was a fool. Fool enough to believe that you will change someday. That things will go back to the way they used to be. I’ve given you endless chances. I’ve taken you back each time you knelt before me and whispered those never-ending apologies. But… my heart is tired now. My eyes have gone weak. Weak enough to leak even a single drop of tear. I feel lost… and naive.

I am sorry if I wasn’t good enough. I’m sorry that I was always there when you didn’t want me to. I’m sorry I kept calling when you would come home late at night. I’m sorry I was crying when all you ever wanted was to laugh and drink beer. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough when you wanted to stay away. I’m sorry I wanted to kiss and hug you more and more. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop when I should have stopped a long time ago.

And here I am now, reminiscing of what used to be. You and me in those places we visited together. The adventures we embarked together. The waves of laughter we shared together. So tonight, I am letting go of the last photo I have of you. And the last memories I have before you turned your back and walked away. I will be okay, but it’s about time now that I whisper my last goodbye. And allow me to smile again. For I deserve to be happy, too. TC mark

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