A Letter To My Younger Self, Struggling With Bipolar Disorder

Caution: The article is an honest signal of toxicity

”Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It’s a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life.”

— Carrie Fisher

I have spent a tremendous measure of my life carrying on with strange days that I thought it were ordinary. Growing up, I saw things that weren’t there, I got used to a frightened feeling, I cherished the nearness of blood and an ongoing funeral in my head, and I couldn’t go to bed without a flashlight in my eyes because I would lose my mind in the middle of the night.

Why?

Am I the only one experiencing this? I aged asking that question. I did not carry on a typical adolescence; I got bullied, beaten up and tortured so badly that there are points that I cannot recall anymore.

I never told anyone about this because I wasn’t ready. These odds and ends of recollections cut so deeply that I decided to write myself a letter. The ups and downs of my early life, I couldn’t even begin to classify it. Horror? Slasher? Magical realism? Adventure? Whimsical or Mystery?

Following five years of treatment, I’m feeling somewhat better. However, I can’t say that episodes would stop because the truth is it doesn’t; it’s a fight that I’m expected to battle with, even with treatment and the assistance of others. Medicine will help me show signs of improvement, feel better. However, the foundation of everything won’t change, so the main route is to admit that I’m different and unusual, admit that my mind so often destroys itself.

A letter to my younger self:

Dear Ten,
I’m you in the future, you’re 32 years old at this point. Congrats! You are one extreme cookie. I want to give you a hug because you survive. I have a ton of things to say to you, not for you to cheat throughout life. However, I wish that you knew a considerable measure of things at an early age. I know that you’re drained and don’t know what to do. You see, this is not your fault and not anyone’s fault. In time you will find the answer do not rush on things because you’re being coordinated to a greater joy.

You will wind up truly baffled if you think that people will do well for you because you are good to them. There will always be people throughout your life who will treat you wrong. Try not to stress over the people who hate and done you badly.

Worry about the people you love. Be good, Stay kind.

It’s OK to be alone if you find peace in isolation then, go ahead isolate yourself just don’t hurt people physically and emotionally.

Recall that you have a family and you will meet your husband that will extend his knowledge to understand your disorder. Your sister, she additionally endures the same things in her mind better converse with her now. You and your sister will be closest, and eventually there will be a period when she and your husband will be your only friends. Now, I need you to be strong when that time happens. Hold on to your precious dogs, they will be your first key to recovery.

Try not to expect that individual will understand you. Appreciate them and love them for being part of your life. Remember that you met them for a reason.

Seeing the spine-chilling hands are not normal Ten—I know that you’re frightened and I’m sorry. Promise me not fight since you’ll wind up harming the people that you love. Be patient and you will figure out how to control it to yourself. Darkness seems to be your enemy as of the moment, but believe me, haziness will give you comfort later on. Embrace who you are and never comply with the standards of the society.

Start to pick up a pen, draw, write and think of the things that you thought are impossible, place them in a safe place. Read then developed them as you go on to your episodes. These skills might help you look at the world in a whole new perspective. You can actually help others with this as you grow old.

I love you, Kid,
Future Ten