Adult Movie Titles, In Order Of Awkwardness If My Mom Sees Them While Checking Our TV’s “Channel Guide”

When I visit my mom’s house on the weekend, we usually wind up watching TV together (face-to-face communication is not a family strength). Invariably, the most awkward and uncomfortable moment of my stay comes when she passes by the adult movie channels while checking out our cable package’s “Channel Guide.” Why she needs to venture into this cable wasteland, sandwiched between movie channels we don’t have and public access channels we don’t need, I’ll never know. But I do know that it’s hard to look my mom in the eye after we’ve clearly both just seen that Guiding the Pole in My Hole is playing on BraZZers TV at 8:30.

The following are all from my cable listings for this weekend — looks like it’s going to be a doozy. Channels are listed in parenthesis.

Maybe She Won’t Know It’s Porn? … Yeah, I Can Probably Just Convince Her It’s A Horror Movie

King Dong Goes Deep (Reality Kings)
Extreme Ass!!! (Reality Kings)
Ahh It’s Huge 2 (BraZZers TV)
Ouch It’s Too Big (MOFOS)

Kind Of Awkward, But I Can Live With It

Brazilian Butt Fiesta 3 (Hustler TV)
Route 69: Backseat Boning (Penthouse TV)
I Just Did My 1st White Guy! (XTSY)
Finally! She Is 18! (Penthouse TV)

It’s Cool, I Just Won’t Masturbate For Like A Week

Just-in-Beaver (Hustler TV)
No Mercy 4 My Tight Booty (BraZZers TV)
2 Dongs in Every Girl (Reality Kings)
Good Wives Open Wide (Penthouse TV)

Legitimately Contemplating Exiting The Room From This 2nd Story Window

Creaming From Behind (BraZZers TV)
Hot Load Injections 7 (Hustler TV)
Don’t Tell My Dad 3 (Penthouse TV)
Dunston Checks In (HBO)
Flick My Wet Teen Bean (XTSY)
Panty Fetish (Hustler TV)

Well, I Guess I’ll Just Never Talk To My Mom Again, Huh

Feeding 2 Filthy Sluts! (BraZZers TV)
Suck My Honey Juice Out (MOFOS)
Stick Your Dong in My Tight Box (BraZZers TV)
Don’t 4get 2 Swallow (MOFOS)

I Think I Was Already Dead Inside; It’s Official Now

Slobber My Shaft (Penthouse TV)
Spray Paint My Face (Penthouse TV)
Explode Inside Me 5 (MOFOS)
Hot Bush 5: Hairy Hardcore (Reality Kings)
Rub Me Down There Till I Squirt! (MOFOS)

“Never Mind Mom, I Think It’s Just A Subway Infomercial”

Give Mom the Footlong (BraZZers TV) Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – Shutterstock

More From Thought Catalog