Thought Catalog

Increasingly Inappropriate Ways To End A Conversation At A Party

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“Excuse me, I’ll be right back.”

“Do you know where the bathroom is?”

“Hey, I’m gonna go grab another drink; I’ll catch up with you later though!”

“Uh, I think I see my friend Wayne over there…better go say hi.”

[Pulling out your cell phone] “Oh, excuse me, I gotta take this.”

[Pulling out your car keys and pretending they are your cell phone] “Oh, excuse me, I gotta take
this.”

“Let’s talk politics!” (Also effective: “Well, here’s what I think about campaign finance reform…”)

“Is it just me, or is every new Adam Sandler movie better than the last?”

“What are your passions in life? Tell me all about your passions.” [While pronouncing “passion” oddly and adopting an expectant look]

“I have the GREATEST stories from my college fraternity.”

“You know how they say the book is always better than the movie? Well, what would happen if they turned Robocop into a book? I’m guessing the universe would probably just crap itself, but I’m open to other interpretations.”

“Okay, F-ck Marry Kill: Foucault, Derrida, Barthes.”

“So, did you know [name of person throwing party] before or after he/she was a drug mule?”

“Want to hear some of my Xena: Warrior Princess fan fiction? I’ll keep it PG-13 – maybe.” [While winking]

“Guess what part of my body looks most like Vin Diesel’s head. Go ahead, guess.”

“My therapist says I tend to ‘over-share’…” [While doing something weird with your hands]

“Let’s talk religion!” (Also effective: “I don’t believe in God.”)

[Suddenly] “You’re not my real dad!”

“You know, if you don’t mind giving me your Social Security number, I can hook you up with this great program I’m in where you can get 12 CDs for just 99 cents.”

“If I ask you something, do you promise not to think I’m a narc? Also, it would help if you didn’t know what ‘entrapment’ meant…”

“I bet you can’t guess my fetish.”

“I’m not saying it’s the greatest song of all time or anything, but yeah, I have ‘Bawitdaba’ on my iPod. What’s the big deal? Then again, I also have an STD that I got from a gas station toilet seat, so I guess I’m no expert.”

“Yeah, American Psycho really resonated with me.”

“Hey, is that [insert name of mutual friend who died 5 years ago]?”

“On a scale of 1 to 10, would you rather be racist or gay?”

“Fun fact: What’s the only STD the doctor can diagnosis you with as soon you walk in the office? Trichomoniasis. It’s cause of the smell. Go ahead, ask me how I know.”

“Okay, F-ck Marry Kill… Sigmund Freud Edition: Your mother, your father, some chick who reminds you of your mother.”

“Does this look circumcised to you? What about if I hold it like this… how about now?”

“If parties are a series of fleeting, albeit pleasant gratifications, and if they are designed to distract (rather than call our attention to) the unspeakable banality and meaninglessness of life, than why the f-ck are you still standing here talking to me?” TC mark

 

image – Daniel Sandoval
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  • http://raythimmes.com raymondthimmes

    “If parties are a series of fleeting, albeit pleasant gratifications, and if they are designed to distract (rather than call our attention to) the unspeakable banality and meaninglessness of life, than why the f-ck are you still standing here talking to me?”

    The above epitomizes my worldview.

  • jason

    ““Is it just me, or is every new Adam Sandler movie better than the last?””
    this made me lmao

    • Claire

      agreed

  • Lexi

    I don’t care how you end a conversation, just end it. More and more I am noticing when people text or email (via phone), you’ll be all into a conversation and their gone. nothing. just gone. Is it really that tough to type “gotta go” or the ever famous TTYL? Just let me know the conversation is over. Geez!! That’s just rude.

    • Thamsa

      I agree with you Lexi, this even happens to me while on gmail chat or msn. :(

  • jen

    the social security one made me laugh for like 5 minutes. I can just picture someone asking me that in a serious manner.

  • Asdf

    The last one, hands down. I think I’ll use that consistently now. Thanks.

    • Lexi

      i guess this is not the right blog, but I just had to get that out there. Nice to know I am not the only one.

  • Gol

    I dunno, a lot of these seem like great conversation starters.

    • Elijah

      I agree

    • http://fannypackspectacular.wordpress.com Ted Pillow

      It’s definitely a fine line. I’d probably become best friends with someone who said the Robocop one to me.

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/ Oliver Miller

    I liked this article, Ted Pillow.

    • http://fannypackspectacular.wordpress.com Ted Pillow

      Thanks Oliver, enjoyed the Simpsons one you had up the other week.

  • bongosabbath

    “Yeah, American Psycho really resonated with me.” Oops. Already said that one, probably more than once.

    • Asdf

      “Wait, I might have told you this — did I already say this to you? I think it might have been you. Maybe I already told you, but yeah, American Psycho really resonated with me.” *look up and away* “Yeah, I mean, did I already say that? I think I told you that already… anyway — god, did I say that already or what?!”

  • http://fannypackspectacular.wordpress.com/2012/08/06/increasingly-inappropriate-ways-to-end-a-conversation-at-a-party/ Increasingly Inappropriate Ways To End A Conversation At A Party | Fanny Pack Spectacular!

    […] Increasingly Inappropriate Ways To End A Conversation At A Party […]

  • Gogo

    Fuck – Foucault
    Marry – Barthes
    Kill – Derrida

    but thats just me.

  • kaylie

    fuck, marry, kill: the sigmond freud edition… i nearly peed my pants. (and i hate when people say that, but in this case it’s very true.)

  • Joshua

    How about, if you got free laundry for the rest of your life, would you have sex with a dead person for five seconds?

    • http://www.facebook.com/arbiebaguios Arbie Baguios

      Great reference.

  • Natalie

    “Guess what part of my body looks most like Vin Diesel’s head. Go ahead, guess.”
    God I love how funny your articles are! I think the best kind of reading material are the ones that make me giggle uncontrollably, even when I’m in a public setting and thus, looking like a total nutcase on prozac.

    • http://fannypackspectacular.wordpress.com Ted Pillow

      Thanks a lot, Natalie!

  • http://www.facebook.com/emily.mancer Emily Mancer

    The last one is just gold. I sort of want to memorise it just to be able to use it on the next boring, long-winded asshat I meet on a night out.

  • http://mehspace.wordpress.com/2012/08/16/these-arent-even-my-thoughts-but-theyre-hilarious/ These Aren’t Even My Thoughts. But They’re Hilarious. « mehspace

    […] inappropriate ways to end conversations. everything. […]

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