What You Need To Know About Loving The Emotionally Unavailable

grayscale photography of man and woman in front of zebra
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I am no longer bitter when it comes to the death of relationships. I no longer sit and hope for some type of karmic revival, or for someone else to come along and treat you the same way, to give you a taste. In fact, with growth, I now pray for the opposite.

I’ve abandoned the anger or any fleeting hopes for things to turn out a different way. I’ve let go of resentment, for I’ve come to understand that no disclosure of a previously missed detail will change the course of what was meant to happen. I am cognizant of the fact that unaccompanied ruminating will not give me any more clarity than I already have, nor will it help me to further justify the sequence of what happened.

I’ve come to understand that there are no mirrors where you exist. You are in a place of myths and marvels you’ve built on the careless ruins of not quite being sure of who you really are. When a broken heart feels like home, comfort is bred in the bedlam and there’s peace in the apathy. You lie to yourself every day, and it was foolish to think you could be honest with me. You run through this story of who you think you ought to be, not realizing the trail of ashes you leave behind of others who tried to love you but couldn’t quite break through the blockades to get there.

However, with growth, I’ve come to understand that your happiness is just as important to me as is mine.

I want you to find loving hands to intertwine with your own, enough so that you want to be better, and you want to do good onto them. I want you to find a heart you couldn’t imagine hurting, one that won’t make you regret the vulnerability that comes with exposing your true, authentic self to another. I want you to get out of that dead-end job you never really liked, away from this city that never quite felt like home. I want you to open up what has been shut and cavernous for so long.

In my growth, my happiness, and my own place in this world, I long to see you succeed. I hope you can repair the constraints that linger in your family and the fractured friendships due to the dishonesty. You’re a universe of rage and fear, but you’re also burdened and lonely, waiting for someone to pull you from the wreckage not realizing that you yourself leave this trail of debris wherever you lay – because a broken soul can’t begin to heal until it sees itself for what it truly is.

I walk out of this on the other side. I thank you for sparking the fire and awakening an old heart that was afraid to feel again. I thank you for forcing me to learn the art of letting go with grace and dignity. Our relationship taught me that true love is like the loving the moon – you can bask in the brightness, but without appreciation to the dark side, it will never be right. We were never right. You are both beautiful and terrible, and I hope you’ll become the kind of person who is deserving of a mutual love where both sides are equally treasured.

You cannot hide beneath the shallows forever. One of these days, you’re going to have to come up for air, and you will have to work through what you really are. My greatest hope for you is that someday, you will find whatever it is that brings out the soul in you, the love in you. The value I’ve gained from loving you has helped me to break free and has allowed me to forgive. I’ve grown to love myself enough to never become another person’s crutch again. I have healed, and I am thankful for the opportunity to have gotten to know you. With this, I let you go; the beauty of life is revealed in the pain – I am okay now, and I hope you will be too. TC mark

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