1. The List Of Reasons You Have The Best Boyfriend In The World Based On The Criteria That He Texts You Randomly Throughout The Day And He’s Just As Happy Going Out As He Is Staying In And Watching TV And Eating Ice Cream While You Wear Your Fat Sweatpants
This same reasoning reappears in list type #2, these lists always describe incredibly common activities as if they’re something out of the ordinary. Texting during the day and watching TV at night doesn’t mean you have some sort of amazing bond with someone – this is America, all anyone does is text on their phone and watch television. The list of reasons why your boyfriend is the best boyfriend in the world should be more along the lines of: he’s happy staying in and watching TV and eating ice cream while you wear your fat sweatpants and then going down on you until you pass out, and then reviving you with CPR so that and he can go down on you again. That’s a good boyfriend, and is distinguishable from the way you hang out with other people. Unless you’re complicated.
2. The List Of Ways Your Best Friend Is Your Soulmate
Also known as: a list of ways you and your best friend are identical to every other pair of white females in America. These might as well be written in quiz format and titled: How Basic Are You And Your Bestie? Saying that your best friend is your soulmate because you drink pumpkin spice lattes in your car while blasting ’N Sync oldies doesn’t mean your bond is special, it means you both were born between 1989-1994 and thus, like everyone else, was into boy bands, and you both don’t like the taste of plain coffee but you still want to put Starbucks in your snapstory so you order the item on the menu that has the least amount of coffee in it – second to tea, but tea is like, sooo Anne Hathaway. No thanks.
3. The List Of Things You Should Do In Your 20s
What you shouldn’t do in your 20’s: take advice from these lists. Any article that has “in your 20s” in the title will tell you to do some variation of: travel, have your heart broken, and laugh. This is a more accurate description of what your twenties will be like: Travel to work every morning, where your Heart Will Be Broken when you put your college degree to mediocre use answering phones and working as an assistant for someone who does the job you want to be doing, then Laugh at the end of the week when you get your paycheck because you’re in disbelief at how small the number is. What should you really do in your 20s? Buy your clothes a size up, because being worn thin from stress is only an expression.
4. The List Of Male Testimonials About What Makes A Girl Attractive Accompanied By Feminist Commentary
The appeal of these lists is getting an uncensored glimpse straight into the male mind. But anytime you click one of these articles advertising male perspective, you’re instead harassed by a female voice commenting on why every single thing these men find attractive about women is wildly misogynistic. I didn’t click the article because it said “12 Things Men Find Most Attractive About Women Plus One (Chubby) Woman’s Defensive Commentary About Why Their Perception Of Attractiveness Is Both Harmful And Wrong.” Was creating an inaccurate title one of the things they taught you during your Women’s Studies major?
5. The List That Is Clearly A Satire But Still Renders Hundreds Of Comments From Offended Readers
These lists themselves aren’t annoying – in fact, these are probably the least annoying lists published on TC, since they’re among the few things posted that are actually funny. What makes them annoying are the people that take these lists literally and leave comments about how upset and offended they are. I can’t help but feel embarrassed for these people and their inability to process humor. There needs to be a charity that teaches people like this how to take a joke.
6. Every Single Drawn Out List Of Bullshit That Ends With An Annoyingly Understated Statement
Because like, what list on Thought Catalog isn’t annoying?