5 Random Acts Of Unkindness
By Tyler Cliff
Random Acts of Kindness was brought about to inspire people to act kindly towards strangers who could be having a bad day and encourage people to pass on those kind actions to other strangers. But what do you do when you’re having a bad day yourself and need to be cheered up? Just wait around until some stranger to hits you with a random act of kindness? I’ve found that nothing makes me feel better when I’m having a bad day than doing something mean to someone innocent.
1. Watch Someone Parallel Park
F*ck going to the movies to cheer yourself up, instead just walk up and down a crowded street with a bag of popcorn and stop when you see someone making a bad attempt at parallel parking. Stand there and watch them grow more and more flustered until they finally give up and drive away. This never ceases to entertain me.
2. Trade Drinks At Starbucks
Just because you didn’t have enough money left on your giftcard to order a venti doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve one! When you hear a drink being called that appeals to your pallet, take it and leave. The baristas are used to being yelled at by caffeine junkies, anyway.
3. Steal Someone’s Magazine
I haven’t bought a magazine from a newsstand in years, I just kind of borrow them indefinitely from waiting rooms and open mailboxes. Although to be quite honest, I am a little afraid that one day I’ll bring someone home and they’ll be suspicious of the fact that every magazine on my coffee table is addressed to a different name.
4. Stare At Someone Else’s Boyfriend
I am one of those bitter single people that has the unattractive mentality of if-I’m-not-happy-then-no-one-can-be-happy. I hate relationships because I am not in one, and my favorite way to put a little dent in someone else’s relationship is by eye-fucking the shit out of every guy I see walking with his girlfriend. Not only does this make the boyfriend feel uncomfortable, but it ignites the tiniest flame of insecurity deep within the girlfriend, which is what I feed off of.
5. Use Extra Toilet Paper So That The Next Person To Use The Toilet Has None
Nothing says “fuck the world” like doing this. Congratulations, you’ve just made the next person to use this stall miserable.