What Type Of Nostalgia Are You?

“Those were the days.”

Everybody knows you played football in high school, and everybody knows you probably weren’t as good at it as you thought you were, or else you wouldn’t still be reminiscing about it as if it’s all your life has to offer. Yes, those were (the) days, but these are also days worth living in.

“Things ain’t like they used to be.”

Okay Grandpa, we get it. Us youngins are all addicted to technology and you used to walk 15 miles, up-hill both ways, to school and stuff. There used to be people who weren’t afraid to strap up their boots and go to work for a living in manual labor? Sure that’s true, but there also used to be rampant racism and violent wars that solved nothing except American capitalistic greed, so actually (unfortunately), things are pretty much just like they used to be.

“I wish I could still eat really disgusting stuff.”

You’ll click any internet listicle that says something about the 90s and has an image of Fun Dip or Lunchables. Yeah that does look just like what the 90s were all about, but why on Earth would you want to return to that? If you ate Fun Dip right now your stomach would turn over and you might keel over, so quit sharing that article and hoping for Facebook likes.

“Remember that time we?”

Remember that time we couldn’t remember what we were doing right at this moment, because all we keep talking about is how fun that one time was instead of having fun is this moment? Gee whiz that was fun, oh wait that’s what’s going on right now. For instance, on camping trips you like to talk about previous camping trips as if they were the time of your life, rather than enjoy the current camping trip, which inevitably you’ll bring up on a later camping trip as if it was SO fun. What moment do you live in?

“I need validation at this current moment in my life for a previous moment in my life.”

Instagram is your stomping grounds once a week and sometimes twice a week, depending how nostalgic you’re feeling. Yes, #tbt and #fbf are what you live for, hoping people will recognize a time when you were actually acceptable to be around, i.e. a cute baby or an erratically dressed teenager. HAHA – how you have changed!

“Nothing compares to that decade.”

A millennial who always says, “I was born in the wrong era.” You may dress like a hippie and still talk about the genuineness of Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison. You may have been born in 1994, but dress like a 1984 leather-bound pop sensation. Your nostalgia is a confusing one because you simply reminisce over a time that you have no actual memories of, but only what the media has told you. Biographical Netflix documentaries and ‘THE SIXTIES’ on CNN are what you live for.

“It’s been TOO long.”

Your nostalgia is simply a fake one. You run into old acquaintances on the sidewalk, local pub or grocery store and immediately put on a grimacing smile. “How are things with you?” is your go-to conversation opener. Repeating “It’s been too long since we’ve seen each other last,” is about the only other thing you’ll say the whole time. Then, you’ll close with, “Let’s get together sometime,” which let’s be honest – is an empty promise.

“It seems like just yesterday…”

Okay all moms/dads, we get it: you used to change your children’s diapers. Yes, time has flown by and it does seem like just yesterday that they were in nothing but their skivvies. However, this is their graduation/wedding/etc. day, so you don’t have to keep saying that. Let them have this (present tense) moment without your incessant internal weeping and acknowledgement of your own personal aging. How about, “It seems like just TODAY…” and then stating how proud you are, instead?