1. Between Your Car Seat and the Console
Good luck trying to grip your phone by pinching it with your middle and index fingers, because that is all that will fit in between there. So after failing miserably and driving like a clearly distracted maniac, you’ll be forced to pull over. The next step is to come in it from the back seat. Laying down in the floor board looking for an access route to your phone while making a face like you are about to sneeze because you are intensely focused is the only option in this case. It’ll take at least 10 minutes to pry it out and make you late to your lunch date—what a loser that’ll make you.
2. Bowl of Cereal
Your phone is actually salvageable in this situation if you can throw it in a bag of rice really quick, but oh the horror of your ruined bowl of cereal. It’s not like you can just take the phone out and finish of what’s left in the bowl. You of all people know where that phone has been. You look at it while on the toilet. You pick your nose while liking Instagram pics. Mostly, you let that homeless guy use it to call a buddy of his who surprisingly had a cell phone of his own. Anyway, that thing is nasty and now you need to get a fresh bowl of cereal.
3. Pile of Horse Manure
You’ve got two choices: leave the phone and go through the painstaking process of getting a new one at your local cell-phone dealer—or you can fish your phone from the fecal matter and attempt to clean it off, potentially leading to problematic phone-caused pink eye. Your choice.
Yikes, you were just trying to finish up that Instagram photo after an epic show at Lollapalooza or whatever, when you dropped your phone into the chemically blue excrement pile that scalds nostril hairs clear off. I guess nobody will ever know just how epic that concert truly was, and that is the saddest part of this tragedy.
5. An Alligator’s Mouth
Wow, you can definitely say you were within inches of a deadly reptile, but probably nobody will believe you—including the phone company. You’re going to have to buy a new phone because your insurance doesn’t cover alligator chomps. Thankfully you made it out of there alive, but the cost of a new phone added to your hourly wage job just might be the death of you.
6. Down an Operating Garbage Disposal
What are the chances even? You would’ve had to drop it at a perfectly vertical plane whilst the disposal was spinning viciously. I guess you gotta call a plumber to dig all the microchips out of the pipes that were once your selfies, notes about potential screenplays, and screenshots of your most hilarious tweets.
7. On the Subway Track
Ouch, that’s gunna hurt—if you jump on the electrical rails to try and retrieve your cell phone that is. Since death isn’t an option(?), your only choice is to watch as the 40-ton locomotive smashes the only social life you once knew to pieces.
8. Your Mother’s Underwear Drawer
Nobody needs to know why you were in such close proximity to your mother’s underwear drawer and had your cell phone in hand, but let’s just say you can’t get that thing back by yourself and anybody else finding it will be the embarrassment of a lifetime. It’s safe to say this is the least safe place to ever drop your phone, because it won’t be broken, you definitely don’t want to dive your hand into your mother’s under garment quarters and when you do get the cell phone back it will be greeted with the confused, sad and disappointed look that only a mother can give, which pierces your heart.
9. Into a Bonfire
Well obviously your phone is completely burnt to a crisp and there is no getting it back. With it being completely decimated this also may ruin your chance of retrieving all your contacts. Now, you’ve got to post that embarrassing “Lost my contacts, message me with your digits” Facebook status.
10. A Woman’s Purse
There is absolutely no way you’re going to be able to get that thing back by simply reaching in there and grabbing for it. You’re going to have to dump out all the contents of said purse, sift through that pile and then scrape it all up and put it back in. Of course, it you just let her do it, she can magically reach in and find it immediately.
BONUS: 1/2 an Inch Above Any Surface
You may have dropped it multiple times from your nearly six foot frame on everything from concrete to brick; sometimes without a case on it even, leaving no scratches or cracks— Then one day when recovering from a hangover you pick your phone up off the floor (where you left it the night before) only for it to gently slip from your grasp onto the ground, ever-so-slightly, and you watch as the front screen spiderwebs.