You’re not as lonely as you lend yourself to be, I promise—to you, which is me. You’re a good person who just so happens to lack what some, if not most, people would call friendship. However, that’s okay. For instance, you’re reading this wonderful letter from a sincere acquaintance that is reaching out to you, me—which is you.
Let’s start over. You’re not alone, I promise. Think about all the Twitter followers you have that hinge on your every quip. Although that seriously awesome joke you made about the Royal Baby went relatively unnoticed (0 RT’s or favs), you are totally connecting with a diverse group of people on a new-aged level. Seriously, you, which is me, are just fine.
Just because when you were for inexplicable reasons listening to American Top 40 with Casey Kasem: “An 80’s Rewind” you began weeping incessantly as he introduced JD Souther’s “You’re Only Lonely” and continued to do so until the song faded out, then downloaded it to your iPhone and locked yourself in your room for hours listening to it over and over whilst continuing to cry, that does NOT make you lonely. In fact, you are quite lucky, because you apparently have a pen-pal which is a lost art. Never mind that the pen-pal is me, which is indeed also you. Embrace the lasting friendship that is yourself.
Cheer up old friend. Things are going to get better. For starters, that one guy seems to think you’re funny. Or maybe he’s just laughing at you and not with you. I don’t know, he kind of makes me (you) feel insecure at times. How about we go our separate ways from him just to be on the safe side? That’d make us—which is you talking to yourself—happy.
C’mon, who needs a bunch of people around all the time anyway? The fact is you’ve got a friend in me (you), so there’s no need to get caught up in everything else. Embrace the true friendship of a person who’s known you the longest: me (again, this is you).
Last night was great, remember? You went out to eat, and although you were dining alone, you had the time of your life. Sure, when you bit into that taco the contents of it slid out the back and you embarrassingly jolted forward to make sure it landed on the plate and not your lap. Yeah, that was a little weird, but maybe nobody noticed, but maybe they did. You kind of made a connection with the waitress, remember? You jokingly said the check would be together, calling attention to the fact that you are indeed dining alone (in a humorous way, right?). Nicely done! I’m pretty sure they gave you a smirk and that’s no easy feat to accomplish on a stranger. Well played good sir, if I may say so myself, which to reiterate is yourself.
I mean, what is loneliness anyway? Is it sipping on a coffee and burning your tongue plus making that weird face you always make, and then feeling a deep inner sadness because you have nobody to laugh with it about? No way. Is it writing a letter to an old friend you haven’t heard from in a while, who just so happens to be yourself? Surely not—that definitely isn’t loneliness, that’s friendship (so you [I] say). So there you have it, you MY FRIEND are not lonely in the least bit.
I can just imagine the joyous look on your face, which is also mine so it’s easy to picture, when you receive this letter marked “Return To Sender” because I put it in my outgoing mail which is also the address of your inbox, because I am you. Wow, what a moment that will be.
Painstakingly looking forward to your reply—I say that, because it will be pretty lonely without your words to read.
– Me (you)