A 10 Step Guide To Showing Your Mom How Much You Love Her This Mother’s Day

Seinfeld
Seinfeld

1. FIRST, HUMOR HER

Quit acting too cool for school and show your dearest old mommy a little affection. Talk about your days a fat little baby, etc. If she wants to look at some of those baby pictures, don’t groan. Reminisce with her—it may be all she’s got(?) No offense moms. Humoring her is best complimented if you realize that…

2. MULTIPLE HUGS AND KISSES ARE IN ORDER

Again, she is your mother for God’s sakes, so give her a little gratitude. On top of that…

3. REMIND HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE AND APPRECIATE HER, CONSTANTLY 

She deserves this. She doesn’t deserve…

4. A B.S. FACEBOOK POST

The gesture is nice, but if you can’t tell her in person how much you appreciate her instead of doing it for likes, you might be a crappy offspring. Which brings us to…

5. DEFINITELY DON’T GET HER A HALLMARK CARD

If you can’t write something on your own piece of paper and give it to her, don’t give her any cheesy literature at all. This serves as a reminder that you should…

6. GET HER A GIFT FROM YOUR HEART

One that connects to her heart. Be it an old photo of the two of you framed, or just a little something you heard her mention months ago that you know she still hasn’t gotten for herself. Show her that you pay attention to her and you’re not an empty vessel lacking feelings or emotions. For clarification purposes, a gift that connects to her heart doesn’t mean…

7. A HEART OF CHOCOLATES 

C’mon! You settled for a cliché? Please don’ Also…

8. DEFINITELY NO GIFT CARDS

This just means you’re too lazy to think about who your mom is as a person and rather, you took a broad stroke hoping to snag a small piece of her being. If you’re considering a gift card, get an actual material item from that entity.

*****now that you’ve gotten her a gift that truly means something to her, and you’ve shown her how much she means to you, it’s time to consider her overall livelihood outside of today’s gestures*****

9. NAMELY, STOP LIVING IN HER HOUSE

If you’ve graduated from college it’s about damn time you found your way outside your comfort zone. She appreciated all the sentiment today, but that needn’t go on every day. Basically…

10. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER

Literally and metaphorically.

Literally: Pack up your shit and leave. Give her, her much deserved time to enjoy not looking after your candy-ass.

Metaphorically: Figure out what you’re doing with your life and quit being a stereotypical millennial sob story. It’s not her fault you have a master’s degree in English and don’t know what to do with it. Find a path and take the first step, which again, starts with a step out of her front door. TC mark

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