9 Steps To Getting The Most Out Of Your Tax Return This Year

You’re about to come into a lump some of cash thanks to some government kickback. Wondering how to properly invest it? Follow this easy 9 step guide for effectively getting the most of your tax return this year without the worry of, “Am I doing this right?”
Eastbound and Down
Eastbound and Down

1) Cash It Immediately

Ever heard the term money burning a hole in your pocket? Here’s your chance to live that to the max. But you’ve got to look super boss doing it, so next… 

2) Get The Bills Rolled And Wrapped With A Rubber Band

This is a surefire way to look super boss. You know why all the gangsters in movies do this? Because it’s the most effective means of looking like a boss you don’t want to mess with. Now you’re living the dream of being an absolute gangster boss, you (temporarily) rich stud. So, now you’ve got you’re super sweet rolls of a couple of G’s ya G. This is how you spend it… 

3) First: Buy A Brand New Pair Of Kickass Sunglasses

Everybody needs shades, and these will come in handy later. Then…

4) Buy A Microphone

Again, this will come into play later but trust in this proven process. Next…

5) Buy A Large Satchel

Place the microphone in the satchel. Things are starting to come together now. The next thing you need to do is…

6) Find The Nearest Taco Truck

Whatever cash you have left rolled up toss to the guy in the window and say, “I’ll take every taco you’ve got chief.” No need to actually place an order or wonder how many you’re getting. It’s all about looking super boss. Once they give you upwards of a couple hundred tacos, place them in the satchel on top of the microphone. This step is key. With a satchel full of tacos you’ve got to…

7) Head Into Work

You should still be wearing your sunglasses at this point. When you get there, start throwing those bad boys out like you’re the tycoon of tacos. Inevitably somebody will ask “What’s the occasion?” That’s when you say, “A rich uncle of mine just died and left me some money. His name was Sam.” Immediately… 

8) Pull The Sunglasses Slightly Down On Your Nose Revealing Part Of Your Eyes

This adds dramatic effect to the awesomely ambiguous, yet leading thing you just said. Then reach into your satchel for what they think will be another taco. That’s when you pull out the microphone… 

9) Drop The Microphone

You just blew everybody’s mind while effectively using all of your tax return, and looked like a total stud doing it. Well done boss, now get back to your entry-level job. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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