Honestly, it’s exhausting being the girl that no one wants to date.
It seems as if all I do is put time and effort into guys who just want to get in my pants. I get my hopes up, just to tumble down from cloud nine just as fast. They initially come across as genuine and heartfelt, but in the end you learn what their end game is. A hookup. Or, even worse, they don’t give you the time of day. They’re “too busy.” We all know that if someone wants to be with you, they’ll make it happen. No matter what. It seems that there are two ends of the unfortunate spectrum for me.
I constantly find myself pondering these thoughts, “What the hell is wrong with me?” or “What did I do wrong?” I look around at all the happy couples in my life and sigh. What do they have that I lack? Am I just not good enough? Not pretty enough?
As sick as it sounds, those questions frequent in the moments spent alone with my thoughts.
The last guy I was “seeing” (if you could even call it that) wouldn’t even make time to go out with me. Maybe hooking up with him the first time we hung out wasn’t a wise decision. Is that it? Is that my problem? Do I come across as easy to get? Boring because there’s no chase?
Call me what you will-old fashioned, unrealistic, a hopeless romantic…but all I want is a guy that will set aside time for me, no matter how busy his schedule is, because he wants to. A guy to cook spaghetti with me on Thursday evenings and watch The Voice with me on Wednesdays. I want a guy to lay in bed with me, listening to Bon Iver and just enjoy each other’s company. In the morning, I’ll watch his eyelids flutter open, wipe the sleep from his eyes, and we’ll both smile-just because were happy to be in that moment together.
I crave commitment. I want someone to do life with. I want the Ron to my Hermoine. The Deadpool to my Vanessa.
I long for a relationship. The arguments, the makeup sex, the midnight PB&J’s when we cant sleep, the drunken I love yous, the frustration, the giggles, even the moments when we hate each other, and all the sweet nothings in between it all.
The problem is, it seems as though no one wants to be in a relationship with me.
But I’ll wait, patiently, watching The Voice with a bowl of spaghetti.