To the Woman Who Gets Stuck With My Shitty Ex Next

You should know that loving him will be the absolute hardest thing you will ever do. There will be tears. There will be nights when you cry yourself to sleep. Nights where you stay up and wonder what is wrong with yourself, because you can’t seem to make him happy.

But even though there will be a lot of hurt that comes with him, there will also be nights that you won’t want to trade for absolutely anything. There will be small moments that will make you feel like everything is right in the world. There will be times late at night when you are both sitting in your car, just listening to music, and you look at that smile and think to yourself that everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting right in front of you.

That’s why giving him up will be so damn hard. If your time with him is anything like mine was, then loving him will absolutely wreck you.

To the girl who loves him next, you should know how passionate he is about baseball. You will have to listen to hours on end about the game. And if he invites you to watch him play, you need to bring him a Gatorade (not orange, even though he’ll say orange is fine) or sunflower seeds. You will need to know what is going on, so he doesn’t have to explain it to you. You will also need to understand that because he is so passionate about baseball, he gets very frustrated when he doesn’t play well.

Be there for him when he gets frustrated, and don’t say anything to make it worse. Just be there and let him vent to you if he needs to. Usually, he’ll just want something to distract him from thinking about it. Be that distraction for him, because if he doesn’t have that, he will overthink everything and it will eat away at him and he wont be able to sleep that night, because it’s all he will be thinking about. He can become so angry at times and it may take a few years for him to get over that anger. If you can work through it, then I have an insane amount of respect for you.

To the girl who loves him next, you should know his pet peeve is having to answer a question more than once. So I am warning you now if you ever ask him if he’s mad and he says no, never ask him a second time. Even if he is mad, just let him have a moment to cool down.

If you do ask him again, maybe he’ll leave you crying in your car as he slams the door. Leaving you sitting there in front of his house wondering where it all went wrong. Maybe it’ll lead to you sitting outside a concert that you were looking forward to so damn much and you’ll find yourself crying harder than you’ve ever cried before, because of the fight that it will lead to. Just don’t do it. If he’s upset, there will be absolutely nothing you can do to fix it. He closes himself off sometimes–unless that only happened with me. Unless it was just that I wasn’t good enough.

To the girl who loves him next, when you hear any Justin Timberlake song, it will make you think of him. And you’ll smile to yourself whenever you listen to the Spice Girls, because of that one time you drove around his neighborhood for an hour while the sun was setting and he sang every word to it. And then there’s Thomas Rhett, and you’ll tear up every single time you hear him come on the radio, because of that one time he sang to you, looking into your eyes and holding your hand. And you’ll remember so distinctly how you were thinking, “I hope this moment never ends.” And you’ll do anything to get back to that moment.

To the girl who loves him next, there will be numerous nights where he will make plans with you and you will get your hopes up. Numerous times when you will get dressed up, do your hair and makeup, and then you will sit around waiting for him. Something will always come up. Whether it’s that he fell asleep or just isn’t feeling well, half of the plans he makes with you will fall through.

He will promise to have dinner with you and bail three times in one week, and it will hurt. He will wreck you without even knowing it and somehow he will turn it around so it will seem like it is your fault. You will end up being the one apologizing and he will make you feel like shit. It is up to you to decide if that feeling is worth it or not. I thought it was.

To the girl who loves him next, you should know that he has so much growing up to do for a 25-year-old boy. He is lost and completely fucked up, but he also has so much potential. That potential will come once he works through the insane amount of insecurities and baggage he carries.

If he eventually opens up to you and tells you his life story in the middle of a subway or during those late night drives it will be the most amazing feeling, because he is completely made of stone. He builds up walls to protect himself and I really thought I had almost demolished those walls. I cared about him more than anyone who has ever come into my life before, and I was so sure he cared about me, too. He liked having me around to cater to his every need, but I never got anything in return. I could’ve sworn he gave a damn about me, but he didn’t.

Maybe I lost myself in the process of loving him. I valued him too much, but there was never a moment where I didn’t think he wasn’t worth it. I placed him on a huge pedestal and it inflated his ego having someone who loved him as much as I did. Not once was I ever mad at him. Upset? Hurt? Destroyed? Yes. But until the day I finally, finally realized he didn’t give a damn about me, I was never mad. Love clouded my judgment.

I have never thought of myself as a strong person until the day I finally cut him out of my life. I really didn’t think I would get over losing him, but it was the biggest weight off of my shoulders. I now know he was manipulative, self-centered, and needy. But I was so in love with him and I still care about him, because I know that deep down, he has all the potential to be amazing.

I so badly want him to find happiness. I so badly want him to realize how terribly he treated me and to mature. I so badly want him to stop feeling sorry for himself and playing the victim every time something happens. He’s a diamond in the rough, and I hope someday I get to see that diamond at its full shine.

So finally, to the girl who loves him next, I pray so deeply that he treats you better than he treated me. I hope you make him happy. Please don’t break his heart, because I don’t want him to turn cold again.

Love him how I would have.