At first, it’s freeing, it’s liberating, it’s emotional…
But then it’s sad, it’s mourning, it’s confusion. It’s trying really hard to figure out who you were before them and then deciding if who you were is someone you want to be.
It’s a lot of ups and downs. It’s a lot of telling yourself you’re better off. It’s a lot of trying to stay above water.
Then it’s loneliness. Not the kind of loneliness where you want to jump back into a committed relationship but one that makes you want to feel wanted again. Wanted without having to give yourself fully to another.
It’s using new guys to fill the void and having a bit of hope that they will change your mind on how relationships are “supposed” to be. It’s getting let down by “nice” guys who were supposed to treat you the way you were told you should be treated.
It’s trying with everything in you to not call your ex. It’s remembering that just because it’s comfortable, doesn’t mean it’s right. It’s crying in your bed late at night because you feel alone. It’s reminding yourself that you are not damaged goods because of a past lover.
It’s anger. It’s realizing you’re actually sabotaging yourself by bringing up your ex all the time. It’s realizing that you must be mindful of your new relationship and leave conversations of your toxic past behind.
It’s a lot of waiting. It’s a lot of putting yourself back out there when you really don’t want to. It’s a lot of reminding yourself that all of these feelings are temporary.
It’s reassuring yourself that one day the right person will come along. It’s staying focused and recognizing the warning signs the next time around. It’s putting trust in yourself and in the universe that it will all end up okay. In fact, it’s going to be better than okay.
It will be better than you have ever imagined.