To My Ex-Best Friend On Her Wedding Day

The Hills
The Hills

Maybe I’m dating myself since this show hasn’t been on the air for awhile, but times like these bring me back to the drama-filled finale of MTV’s The Hills. Viewers sat on the edge of their seats wondering, “will she or won’t she?!” throughout a painful sixty minutes before Lauren Conrad dramatically marched into the huge chapel for frenemy, Heidi Montag’s star-crossed wedding to Spencer Pratt (who I still think looks like a cartoon character, but provided perhaps the best one-liners of any reality TV star to date).

I formed so many close bonds and friendships during college. It was such a transitory time in my life, yet also a period of so little responsibility. I found that some of my most intense relationships and fondest memories were with those close friends whose place in my life didn’t end up standing the test of time. At the time I couldn’t imagine a day without those friends, and owe much of the person I am today to our experiences together.

When you are in a completely new place on your own, finding a confidant that you can share your secrets with and be yourself around is nothing that should be taken for granted. I look back fondly on how carefree we were, what stupid decisions we made together, but mostly how much genuine fun we had doing absolutely nothing.

It is unbelievable how strong of a friendship can spark in such a seemingly short amount of time – very similar to a first love. Screw boys, best friend breakups sting much harder. Perhaps it is because there isn’t just one “spot” in your life for a best friend – unlike a boyfriend. When that void is created by a terminated friendship, it may never be filled again. Each close friendship is unique, and more difficult to replace than one romantic relationship with another. I think part of growing up is learning to deal with that reality.

A girl’s wedding day is iconic in the friendship department, especially in college (ESPECIALLY in the South). We were all far enough away from our wedding day that it seemed like a distant fantasy, yet close enough to know who absolutely needed to be by our sides when that day came. None of us had a clue who the lucky guy would be, but we already had all the debauchery planned for the most iconic bachelorette party of all time.
Then you grow up. Life happens. You grow apart. You move away. Maybe a silly fight that gets taken completely too far is the catalyst to extinguish your seemingly solid friendship beyond repair. Maybe it goes deeper – two opposing stances, in which a friendship cannot flourish if neither side will bend. No matter the reason, the result is all the same. You will move on and so will they. Life goes on.

Most days it’s okay, especially if you aren’t in each other’s day to day lives. However, there are those certain occasions where you can’t help but notice their absence in your life, and wonder if they feel the same. I’ve surely made mistakes in friendships, and am thankful for the lessons I have learned. I appreciate the value of true friendships more now than ever, and try to reflect on the happy moments and not dwell on the sadness of some of my friendship failures.

So for my once-close friends that are no more, I am sorry that I wasn’t there for the monumental moments that have happened. Some of you are married, some soon to be, so since I didn’t make it or I won’t be there, below is my message to you on your wedding day:

I can’t believe this day is finally here. We always joked about the impossibility in finding a guy who would be able to “put up with us,” but in reality we knew any eligible bachelor should be so lucky. I’m glad you’ve found someone who loves you, who appreciates you, and who makes you feel whole. I’m thankful that you didn’t settle for any of the interesting characters that we encountered in our college town or on an infamous college vacation. All I have to say is, thank goodness we never went to Vegas! I’m sorry if I wasn’t as supportive as I should have been, or understood the importance of spending time with that special someone. I wish you success- both personally and professionally, both as an individual and in your relationship. The glory of being so close to someone is being touched by their true potential- and you have so much ability to change the world. I hope that this day is everything you’ve dreamed of (and it’s probably a blessing in disguise that I’m not there forced to awkwardly pretend to dance, you know how bad of a dancer I am…). In all honesty, I’m really sorry I let you down and I’m not there to share this day with you. Although our futures ended up heading in different directions, I only wish you the best, and will always be a phone call away if you ever need a friend today, tomorrow, or ten years from now. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Read this amazing book by Jen Glantz “All My Friends Are Engaged” by clicking here.

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