She loved once. It was a rare kind of love, it happened all at once.
She dove in though, she wasn’t scared. She loved the way his shoulders bounced when he laughed. She loved how the creases by his eyes were permanent because he was always smiling. She loved the way he would throw his head back laughing when he would lap her in go karts. She loved the way he swore he loved her.
Their love was like the ocean, strong, wild, and free. It had its highs and they were matched with lows.
He scarred her, though. Engraved into her brain that she was good, but not enough. That there were grander out there. He didn’t want her, but he didn’t want anyone else to have her. She had tunnel vision. She couldn’t see that he was trapping her, but that he was then going to leave her. How could the same person who lit her torch, turn around and burn her with it?
All she ever wanted was to be somebody’s best thing, though. To have a love that she did not have to question. She wanted to feel like she was enough. That somebody saw the storm in her eyes and yet wouldn’t be afraid.
Broken and confused, she carried on. Rock bottom became the solid foundation in which she chose to rebuild herself. She started to follow her passions more closely. She started to carry her faith tighter to her heart. She held her family nearer.
She started to smile again. She started to roll her windows down to feel the freedom in her hair and to let the sunshine rip through her veins. She played her music louder, she walked prouder. She realized she wasn’t a drop inside the ocean, she was the whole damn ocean inside a drop. She found great fortune in being alone. It gave her the opportunity to conquer the world. To live a life of spontaneity and chaos. It allowed her to find herself.
She told herself, “Some day someone will adore every inch of you, he will see the fading sunset behind your eyes There is a guy out there that was looking for you. He will look at you with a light in his eyes you’ve never seen before. Like you are everything hes been looking for, wait for it. He will admire your sense of constant adventure. He will adore how you have your daddy’s tongue and temper. Wait for it.”
She has always aspired to be an old woman with an old husband, laughing at ancient jokes from a wild and free youth.
She will find someone that sees her, hears her and needs her, someone that won’t want anyone else to have her. Until then, she had herself and that was enough for her.
A woman is unstoppable after she realizes that she deserves better.