I was caught in a crossfire between having a very strong mind, yet such a fragile heart. I was confused about who I was, who I wanted to be, and how on earth I was going to get there.
Then one day, the stars aligned and it all clicked for me. I was given one chance, one life to engrave my foot print on this planet; so everyone would know I was here. Why would I ever want to waste that opportunity settling doing things that were less than my maximum potential?
Each day, we are given the chance to start again. So that’s exactly what I did. The only thing I committed myself to was bettering myself. Life only gets better when you do.
I started by making small changes each day. I kept a notebook by my bed and I started to write down three things I was grateful for each day. Health, family, friends, Hunter, food, socks, anything and everything. I realized how much I had. I also started to write down three good things that happened that day, even if they were so minuet. I made a goal with myself to do something nice for someone each day, and write that down as well to hold my self accountable. I then dug really deep and pinpointed the things that were keeping me from being the best most fierce version of myself.
I was chasing a career that I no longer wanted, and I was chasing people that did not want me. I took these things, and drew a huge target on their backs. I destroyed them.
I became my own hero. I walked away from getting my teaching degree. In that same exact week, I applied and enrolled into beauty school where all my passion lays. I became fearless in pursuit of what set my soul on fire. Leaving college to attend beauty school was a huge risk. It was a risk that I needed to take because I couldn’t bare loosing the chance.
In doing this, I grew to love myself enough to ask myself these questions: Am I on track? Am I growing in all forms, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? While asking myself these questions, anyone or anything that was keeping me or blocking me from this I simply let go of. I detached myself from negativity or those that have hurt me. People that were toxic enough to keep me from growth and hold me still. I took their hesitation and silence and found my answer.
Now, the only person I chase is the person in the mirror. It is not selfish to love yourself, to find yourself, to build and recreate yourself, and to make that your priority. It’s actually a necessity.
I started to document the moments that I felt the most in love with myself; what I was wearing, what I was doing, who I was with. I then continued to recreate these moments. I created my own peace and was living in it.
I made a promise to myself to never stop wanting more. To never settle for anything less than what is best for my soul. To push myself. To allow my biggest inspiration and motivation to be the person I will be five years from now. To never allow myself to stop growing. To neversettle for anyone who is not brave enough to love me.
Magic happens in the world when you do not give up. The universe loves a stubborn heart. A stubborn heart cannot be denied. The secret to changing your life for the better is to put 100% of your energy into building the new, not fighting the old, or the weight of your past.
Just when I thought I lost my spark. I got back up and started a whole damn fire.