If You Ever Leave Me

If you leave me someday, it will wreck me, but I will remember you kindly. I will writhe and cry and probably pack my things and move, but I will never regret you if you leave. I will remember all of the beautiful moments we shared, and all of the memories that we made. I will drink, but I won’t drink to forget. I will always want to remember you if you ever leave me.

If you ever leave me, I will think about the first night I met you, and how you blew me away immediately. I will think about how I’d never in my life believed in love at first sight until you walked through my door on that July night. I will remember how I pined over you, and longed for you, and how I lost myself so completely in our first kiss. I will feel the goosebumps on my skin from the cool October air, and I will feel the goosebumps on my skin from your arms wrapping around me for the first time.

If you ever leave me, I will remember the moment I fell in love with you. I will remember the way everything felt like slow motion and warp speed all at once. I will think of all the nights I had to stop myself from saying it too soon, and I will still feel the pounding in my chest and the softness of your lips when you finally whispered it to me on a cold Sunday morning. I will remember the fear and fire I felt when it struck me that I would be in love with you for the rest of my life.

If you ever leave me, I will remember the way your skin felt on my skin on the night we first slept together. I will remember the heaviness of my breath and the trembling of my fingers and the shakiness in my voice when I told you I was sure. I will shiver when I think of the cold Colorado air creeping into that second story bedroom, and I will shiver when I think of how it felt to finally be with you. I will still picture you holding me afterwards, and whispering to me until we both fell asleep. You were my first, and I will always remember how I glad I am that I waited for you.

If you ever leave me, I will remember how completely and deliriously I loved you. I will remember all the ways in which you made me so much better. I will think of all the times I found myself wondering what I ever did to deserve you. I will still see you looking timidly at me on the night I told you that you were the one, and I will feel myself smile when I think of you saying it back to me. I will still love the way you look in your Sunday’s best, and your old baseball jersey, and nothing at all.I will still love the way your t-shirts always made the greatest pajamas.

I am blessed beyond words to have found you, and I will spend the rest of my life feeling lucky to know you. If one day our fire turns to dust, and our photographs yellow, I will never spend a second regretting you or forgetting you. If one day, the impossible happens and our souls untangle themselves from one another, you will still be the love of my life. If you ever leave me, I will spend every moment of the rest of my life loving you as deeply as I always have. If you leave me.