If Only You Knew Everything I Think About You

Woman poses seductively with eyes closed wearing in lingerie on her couch
Camila Cordeiro / Unsplash

If only you knew how much I long to taste you at night. That’s a lie, it’s every waking moment. You have a power over me I didn’t know existed, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Is that love? When I’m willing to do the scariest things for you? I feel like I’m trapped under a boulder and I can only move when you give me some slack, which you never do. I thought this was supposed to be a two-way street, but you come and go as you please. I ask myself why you keep doing this to me, but it’s my fault, isn’t it? I’M the one who lets you back inside of me, and you consume every.last.drop.

Every last drop from the cup of love I provide you devour. Do you even feel it? The love, I mean? The love I am hurtling toward you at the speed of a bullet? I’m not being subtle, I ask you point blank and you say how much you love me, but I can’t help but wonder if you’re saying what I need to hear.

I need to hear your heartbeat against the small of my back. When you press into me I’m convinced we are one, a part of the same universe. The second your touch is gone, though, I’ve never felt so frigid and alone. I tell myself I’ll get used to it, but when I feel myself becoming my own soul again, you walk in and shred me to pieces. How do you do that?

How do you get away with the execution of my spirit? I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve died and come back to life in the presence of you. You think it’s okay because you make me whole again, but you were always the one to destroy me in the first place.

If only you knew how much I long to forget you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I am a twenty-something woman struggling through life in Southern California…from 73 degree weather to sunset picnics, it’s a pretty rough life out here. You can find me with an elderflower martini in my left hand, and a book in my right.

Keep up with Taylor on Instagram and discopotion.com

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