From Now On, I’m Putting My Happiness First

I have always been the girl that just floated through life happily pleasing others. I never made my own decisions and I put other people’s happiness in front of my own. I would always go with the flow because it was easier than suggesting and expressing my own ideas and opinions.

For years, I thought I was experiencing happiness. I was content with my life and all I had experienced. I was happy knowing I had made other people happy, and I thought I had everything I needed.

And maybe at that point of time, I did. I had amazing friends, a supportive family, a degree, and a successful career ahead of me. What more could I want?

This question remained in my thoughts for quite some time. I was no longer comfortable with my life, but I had no idea why. As I reflected upon my life, I had come to the realization that I had never really done anything purely for me. I always considered myself an independent person, but I was so afraid of expressing my opinions that I held back with 99% of my life. This then made me realize that maybe what I saw myself as and how the world perceived me were two completely different things.

I knew exactly who I wanted to be and who I COULD be, but I constantly limited myself by not ever letting that girl come alive. Rebuilding myself needed to take a whole lot of strength, love, compassion, determination, and honesty—honesty to others, but most importantly, to myself. I needed to listen to my heart and my head and trust my instincts. I needed to follow exactly what I wanted to do and trust that my friends and family would respect and support these decisions, the same way I was learning to respect and support myself.

Then came my biggest step so far in life. I had taken a completely different turn on my journey. I had decided to move to another country and restart. Now, if you were to ask me even two years ago if I would ever be sitting on my bed in London writing this blog post, I would have laughed at you and thought that was ridiculous. A girl like me could never do that.

Well, here I am, over a year into this amazing life changing move, absolutely loving it and kicking goals I never thought were possible. I have excelled personally, as well as in my career. I now live for myself and do things to please me. I push myself, I set goals and I achieve them. I have discovered so many new things about myself and developed so many new and exciting interests that had never even occurred to me before.

I have met some amazing people and travelled to some beautiful countries. I have found happiness on a whole new level. The girl who once found the greatest pleasure in pleasing everyone else has now found the ultimate satisfaction in pleasing herself.

The funniest part is, everyone around me always knew I was capable of these things; the only person who doubted me was, in fact, myself. I had let my thoughts limit me and block me from a world of opportunity and from becoming the person I was meant to be.

These new feelings didn’t just come because of the move to a different country; they came from the moment I decided to do things for myself. The moment I decided to trust myself and follow my heart. The moment I decided I could depend on myself and myself only. I have what it takes to make it, and here I am, stronger and better than ever.

About the author
A small girl trying to find her way in this big beautiful world Follow Taylah on Instagram or read more articles from Taylah on Thought Catalog.

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